-How I Learned Elvish

I'll admit it.  I was that kid sitting in the back of the class in 6th grade reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Years later I was that person waiting in line at midnight to watch each movie the day it came out (thanks to Laina for babysitting!!)  I love Tolkien.  I have read all of his books.  

Important Note: Some people love Tolkein more than I do.  They study his languages.  They write papers critiquing each others ability to learn them.  They have made English-Elvish dictionaries (and Elvish-English Dictionaries which I suppose are for the elves who are trying to learn English) There are web pages devoted to learning Elvish and other Elvish-things, for instance my Elvish name is Yáviel. 

My husband is obsessed with loves the Lord of the Rings movies.  He would probably watch them every day if he didn't have little things like work and life to get in his way.  He is even a fan of LOTR on facebook, and that is what led me here...

Last night - well, this morning at Tracie Time 3ish am.  I am knitting a square and Thomas is on facebook.  There is a new post from the LOTR page.  I can hear him reading something over and over again, but can't quite make out what he is saying.  I looked over at the screen to see what was going on and this is what I see.... 

"Nanye Anduril i ne Narsil i makil Elendilo. Lercuvanten i maili Mordoreo."

"Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,

Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul................" (This is just a small sample)

"What are you reading?"  I ask him.  

"All of the people on here speak and write in Tolkein languages,"  he replies.  

"You mean they actually know elvish?  They can carry on a conversation in Tolkein languages?  Really? Who does that?  And why do you keep reading it over and over again, are you trying to learn it too?"

"No, but it sounds familiar, I am trying to figure out what this is reminding me of"

Being the helpful wife, I suggested that maybe they had written what Gandalf says on the bridge when he is fighting the Balrog.  (hey, I'm a big fat Tolkein-loving dork too, remember)

"Maybe," Thomas says, " But that isn't what I mean, it sounds like..........like.......those clothes.  That's what I'm thinking of!  It sounds like those clothes!!!"

"The elvish words sound like clothes?"

"Yeah, you know those kids overalls that they used to have commercials for"

*a lightbulb clicks on over my head*  
"Oh, you mean Osh Kosh B'Gosh!" 

"Yes, Osh Kosh B'Gosh!  That's it!  That is what I kept thinking of when I was reading this"

"So you are telling me that when Gandolf fought the Balrog, he said 'You shall not pass! Osh Kosh B'Gosh!' "   <----I came up with more great Elvish phrases after that, but sadly, I can not remember them.

And now, I will never watch LOTR the same way again.

Have a great weekend everyone!  I'll leave you with the only Elvish I will ever learn.......
 

Osh Kosh B'Gosh,

Yáviel

-I've Been Booed!! Eek!

The air is cool, the season is fall,

Soon Halloween will come to all.

Ghosts and goblins, spooks galore...

Tricky witches at your door.

The spooks are after things to do,

In fact, a spook brought this "BOO" to you.

The excitement comes when friends like you,

Copy this note and make it two.

We'll all have smiles on our faces,

When we see who Boo'd who's places.

Nicole has Booed me! Because she is cool like that!  (Visit her this Sunday night, because she will be starting a book study group)

This BOO party was started by Toni@The Tattered Cottage. Please keep the fun going by following these instructions:
1. You have 24 hours to work your spell
2. Copy and post the Halloween Boo Poem with the instructions for playing.
3. Pick 4 blogs you enjoying visiting and tell why you enjoy visiting them, with a link to
their blog and remember to link back to me.
4. Go to the original BOO Party post at the Tattered Cottage and add your MckLinky. (<--not sure where this is, so sorry guys!)
5. Let's see how fast and far this spreads between now and Halloween.

Okay, I am only going to BOO to two tonight (cause I'm feeling rebellious like that!)
~Chantel at Growing Up Townsend.  She gave me my first blog award, and she is awesome!  (I'm a little obsessed with her cool Shaq-loving Grandma, but shhhh don't tell anyone) Also, she is about to have a baby any minute now, so go visit her quick before her water breaks!
~Melissa at Mommy's In The Bathroom. She is a super warrior mamma!  She rocks my face off!  And she has a pretty cool blog too!

-Thursday Thirteen #4

Another week of randoms...if you want to play along, you can go here.
1. One Million Spiders Make Golden Silk for Rare Cloth....because apparently people don't have anything better to do than to than collect spider "thread".
2. Down there on the left side is a button that says "Search Earn Redeem"....here is my shameless plug--click that button and sign up for swag bucks.  You are going to search anyway, you might as well earn points for it!!  (and eventually an Amazon gift card!.......and one for me too, because I have got to do something to supply my book habit!...and if you don't have a book habit, you can get other stuff, but I can't imagine anyone living in a book-loving-less world)  Please....and Thank You!!
3. Last night Thomas bought these cookies that are just like Girl Scout Thin Mints.  Bless that man!
4. American Girl is canceling Kirsten after Christmas.
5. Last year they canceled Samantha.
6. It makes me feel like my childhood is slipping away a little each time they cancel one of these girls, so they need to stop now!!
7. Talking about Kirsten, did anyone else want to celebrate St Lucia after reading those books?  I always associate Kirsten with the picture of her dressed up in the long white nightgown and wreath.  I remember that I  kind of always wanted one, but the candles freaked me out a little.  I have this fear of fire located too near my hair from a hair dryer incident I will have to share at another time.
8. I tried googling St Lucia to find out more about her and discovered that St Lucia is also the name of an island vacation destination.......there are approximately 7 million websites that want to help you find cheap airline tickets and hotel reservations.
9. In fact the only info that I could find about the actual Saint Lucia was a wikipedia page (I have a general rule about not using wikipedia, but I will break it just this one time)
10. Okay, after reading the w-page, I get better results when I search for Saint Lucy.
11. The main thing that I notice is that there is no picture of her wearing a wreath with candles........
12. I did find information about how to celebrate St. Lucia Day, (since I don't currently have the Kirsten books which probably have a great section all about it) apparently the celebration and the wreath are all a Scandinavian tradition, and particular to that region.  (If you know any of this information to be wrong, feel free to correct me, since I am in no way claiming to be an expert!!)
13. And now, the faux thin mints are all gone....and so is this Thursday Thirteen.  Have a great Thursday everyone!

-Cousin Part Three

Since I am sure that all of y'all are staying up nights wondering about my cousin, (cousin - part 1, part 2) I thought I would come do a nice 3am update.  After two weeks, I got a note back from him. (about ten minutes ago, actually) The first thing that I wonder as I wait for it to open is, will he address the dad issue?......and he does....here is the quote exactly as he wrote it...

"your relationship with your dad sounds a lot like mine...haven't spoken to my father in almost 7 years." 

So, what do I do with that?  Do I make some response?  Do I count that part of our conversation to be asked and answered and now finished?

I guess I should be happy.  Obviously not happy that he doesn't have a relationship with his dad, but happy that he probably understands the uncomfortableness that surrounds the whole "dad question" and seems to not be asking any further questions that would force me to decide just how much to tell him.  But, instead of happy, I have a huge hole in the pit of my stomach right now.  Seriously.  It is the black hole of holes-huge!

I know what is causing the black hole.  The next sentence after the dad comment he talks about remembering visiting us and having hamburger eating contests (with my dad, not with me) at Krystal.  It is this memory that is causing the black hole.  Because now, I almost wish that he would have asked the uncomfortable questions, because it would have opened up a chance for me to ask someone who was a few years older and might have a few clearer memories than I do.......to ask him if he can fill in some of the large blanks in my mind.

Actually there is one blank in particular that I have been searching for.  In my uncle's bedroom, there is one time in particular that I have some memories of because there was a different person there.  Not just the in-town cousins, but someone else.  Over the years I have narrowed it down to either this cousin, or another cousin who is of similar age to him and also lived out of town.  I am pretty sure that it was one of the two of them that was in the room that day.....and I realize now that some of the obsession, the anxiety that I had over his delayed response wasn't just the dad question, but it was this memory.  This memory that I had pushed aside and now long to ask him about....to see if he was the one who was there....if he remembers that day more clearly than I do and can fill in some of my blank places.......to see if he could fill in other blank places that I am not even aware of.....I wonder if the same thing might have happened to him during those summer visits that happened to me....or if he was just in the room...or maybe it wasn't him at all, and it was the other cousin.  This is the question that creates a black hole in my stomach, and it is the question that I know I could not bring up with someone who I have just started an email relationship with after not having seen them for ten years.  Maybe one day we will have a relationship where I could ask, but today is not that day.  For tonight I will be the unresponsive one while I over-think what I will say in response to his cordial, informative letter.  I will try to remember how people have normal social interactions with newly found family members, and hopefully tomorrow I will work up the courage to send him an equally cordial and informative letter.....without any black hole questions.....

-Beyond the Tears

I have a great friend named Lynn Tolson.   She is amazing, supportive, kind, an author, caring, a survivor....and now....a blogger!!  She has a great new blog, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivors Story (it shares the name of her incredible book)  Since October is domestic violence awareness month, she has been doing a lot of radio interviews on the topic, and you can find links to listen to those on her blog.  She discusses domestic violence in a way that puts new light on the subject-not only the physical violence aspect, but also emotional and mental abuse.  Please go check out her blog and send some love her way!

-Over the Top

Thanks Semi-Slacker!

Here are the rules:

Use only one word (or 2), pass along to six favorite bloggers, and tell 'em you did so.  I just passed on an award recently, so I am going to make new rules....if you are here, visiting me and commenting on my blog--thanks!  Feel free to take this award and make it yours.  If you do, let me know because I would love to see your list!

So, here we go:

1. Where is your cell phone? car
2. Your hair? brown
3. Your mother? awesome
4. Your father? ______
5. Your favorite food? pasta
6. Your dream last night? freaky
7. Your favorite drink? frappuchino
8. Your dream/goal? secret
9. What room are you in? living
10. Your hobby? knitting
11. Your fear? insufficiency
12. Where do you want to be in six years? England
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren't? tired
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? BOOKS/DVDs!
17. Where did you grow up? Pensacola
18. Last thing you did? facebook
19. What are you wearing? pajamas
20. Your TV? SVU
21. Your pets? stuffed
22. Friends? yes
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? acceptance
25. Missing someone? husband
26. Vehicle? Honda
27. Something you're not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? Barnes&Noble
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? today
32. Your best friend? Leigh Anne
33. One place that I could go over and over? bookstore
34. One person who emails you regularly? Jenny
35. Favorite place to eat? FounarisBrothers

All right y'all.  I did it, I kept my answers to one word.  That is a first for me!  Have fun answering and let me know if you do so I can snoop read your lists.

-Knit a Square

I am so excited!!!  A couple of weeks ago I did a review for this book about a boy who started a foundation that helps AIDS orphans in Africa through basketball (there is more to the story, but for today's excitement that explains it) So, last week I started reading it to Katarina (this isn't an independent reading book for her right now, because there are some things in there that involve more explanation than her dictionary is going to give her) and in the book he talks about figuring out what you have a passion for and finding something you love and putting the two together to make a difference.  Now, Katarina already has a passion for building wells, and has been saving money to send for that (seriously, I did not make her do this, she saw it one day while I was watching James Robison and it rocked her world that those kids didn't have water) but since we have been reading this book, she has been all about the AIDS orphans.  Which gets a little interesting when she starts telling the supermarket check out woman statistics about AIDS deaths in Africa.  Because this is obviously what all six year olds do at the supermarket, right?  That will get you some funny looks, but we are all about education and information in our family.

She has been talking all about what she could do to make a difference.

Last night I found something that is perfect!!!  It combines her new passion with something that she has wanted to do for a long time...learn to knit.  Ever since I taught myself how to knit this last year, she has been begging to learn.  I tried teaching her right at the beginning (which would be about a year ago now) but I think that the combination of her fingers being a little to small and maybe some motor skills that hadn't set in (well, she was only 5) were just too much, and she couldn't do it.  I promised her that we would try again, after she turned six, and haven't had a chance the last couple of months....until today!

Here is the story!  I was reading Beautiful Dreamer last night (which you should be reading too!!) and she had a post about a new project that she is involved in.  Knitting hats for orphans.  Well, that got my curiosity up and I had to investigate more.....here is the scoop......

Knit a Square.  All you have to do is knit (or crochet) 8x8" squares.  You send them to Africa (not just to Africa in general, there are very detailed postal directions on the website) and then women sew all the squares together to make blankets for AIDS orphans.  Isn't that amazing!!??!!!  On the website they have a message board you can join, which of course I did (because I never do things halfway, you know!) and I wrote the most obnoxiously long post full of questions and already five people have responded and answered.  I am telling you, these people are seriously my new favorite "internet-ers"!  

So, when Katarina woke up (because y'all know all this took place at 3am, the time when Tracie does everything but sleep!) I showed her the website and the videos (watch the videos people!...please) and she was so excited...jumping up and down excited.  We got out my yarn and needles and she started working on a knit stitch, and I have to say she is doing pretty good.  She is ssssssssslllllllloooooowwwwww, but that is to be expected.  She did ten rows of knit stitches today and by the fourth row she was doing it pretty much without any help from me.  (I am going to knit squares too, so we will average more than one a week...lol)  Also, they are asking for little construction paper books with pictures and such in them that one orphanage they work with has asked for, and Katarina is going to do some of those.  (she can't wait to get her little crafty hands on that project!) 

Here is my question folks out there in bloggy world....do you knit? (or crochet)  Have you ever wanted to learn?  If so, please go check this out.  It is so awesome and especially for someone who is just starting out, there is noting simpler than a square.  Anyone could do it.  If guilt works for you, just remind yourself that my six year old is doing it, and you don't want her to show you up, now do you?   If you are ready for a challenge you could do a hat or a go-over and if you need help there is patterns on the site.  When I looked at the pictures I just saw these sweet blankets with all these squares that came from Australia, and Canada, and the UK and US (and probably other places, I'm just listing the places the people from the message board were from)  all sewn together to give warmth to a precious child in Africa, and I couldn't not get involved in that.  It was just the coolest thing I had ever seen!

-bLerApy #1

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 I love my SIL. No really! I do!!! But sometimes she really pisses me off. She is the closest thing I have to a sister. We are really close. I can tell her anything. When I tell her how fat I feel at a size 6, she listens without punching me even though she's still very large AFTER gasteric bypass surgery. She's funny and sweet and would drop everything to come running if I needed her. And I would do (and DID) the same when she needed me.

A little background....my husband's family is poor. My husband was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to college and does QUITE WELL for himself. (Thank God...cause I would not do well being poor.) His siblings all work very hard. His brother does well for himself too. Their oldest sister makes good money, but has a POS husband who drains her dry financially and emotionally....but I'll save that for another Blerapy day. My youngest SIL works hard too, but for meager wages. She moved in with us at one point so that she could get her own life and go to school. I had such faith in her. Her brothers kept telling me she would never finish school. I chastised them for being negative. They were right. I hate being wrong. Especially about this.

Ok...this disappoints me, but is not the part that pisses me off. Bear with me as I set the story up further. A while back she went through the most gut wrenching event of her life. Her child was diagnosed with a very rare, very aggressive brain tumor. It was devastating. I watched in horror as she grasped to hold on to his precious little life. I drove her five hours from home to get the very best treatment possible and missed my child's first soccer banquet to be with them during their first round of chemo. She chose me over her husband to go with her. I was honored and took that responsibility seriously. She came and stayed with us at different points so I could help her take care of her baby. I changed his feeding tube and gave him medicine through the port in his stomach. I celebrated the good MRI and was eternally hopeful. I mean, SOMEONE had to be the 6% survival rate. I cried for days when we got the bad MRI and then held them both tight.

She eventually had to resign from her job due to the intensity of the treatment and the number of hospitalizations. We wrote her check after check without being asked and without EVER expecting to be paid back. It's what family does for each other. We did it willingly...thankful we were in a position to help take one of the many terrible stresses off her shoulders. I would not take back one thing we did for her.

But here's the problem. We bailed her out of a financial jam a few years earlier when she fell and broke her ankle. We paid her doctor bills and counseled her on saving money for "rainy days." When her baby got sick, she still had no "rainy day" fund. Those were unforseen circumstances, so we bailed her out, but hoped it would wake her up to the need to be proactive. 

Fat chance.

Her husband's father has been VERY ill for a long time. He lives in another country. They knew for quite some time that he was going to die. Did they save any money? You guessed it, NO! They called and asked us to "loan" them the money to fly her husband overseas to be with his family for the funeral. What?! Seriously? She knew we had been making sacrifices in our usual routine to save money for something in particular. Yes, we had the money...but why are we always expected to make the sacrifices and then use the money to bail someone else out of a jam? Because we "have money"...at least in their eyes...and are responsible with our money...we are expected (and did) to buy my FIL a truck, pay for my MIL's medical bills, subsidize my SIL's salary, pay for my other SIL's meals EVERY TIME we meet up for dinner....it goes on and on. 

We made a decision. We did not "LOAN" her the money for the trip overseas. They were forced to find another way. We decided that there was no excuse to not have SOMETHING saved up. If she had part of it, we probably would have helped make up the remainder. We felt awful about it, but felt like "tough love" was the best thing we could do for her. We have children who's future we need to secure. She is married and they need to be self sufficient and take care of themselves. We would not hesitate to help her again if another catastrophe came about. (Knock on wood.) But we will not be responsible for her irresponsibility anymore.

Does this make me a bad person?

*Note to random host blogger.* Ahhhhhhh....I feel better....thanks for letting me use your blog space to get this off my chest. :)

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Thursday Thirteen #3

This week will be a collection of randomness.  In no specific order.  If you want to play too, just go here.
1. I think there should be a rule that kids can't say the price of objects in a commercial if they aren't able to write that number down without help.  Example 1: 3 year old girl in car commercial who says, "It is only $49,989" not allowed!!  Example 2: 14 year old girl in appliance commercial who says, "refrigerator for $49.99", annoying, but allowed!
2. Right now I could really use some french fries.  
3. I hardly ever read magazines.
4. Magazines annoy me because there is 72 pages of ads before you even get to the first article.  And then every other pages after that is another ad.  That's worse than television!
5. I was one of those people who watched a rerun of Saving Grace on Tuesday night.  Say whatever you want, I'm obsessed with it.
6. Have you seen the ridiculous pistachio commercials? So stupid!
7. I wonder if Pam and Jim are going to be back from their honeymoon this week.  It's sad when they aren't on The Office.  Still funny, but you miss them.
8. Jay Leno quit his job.  It was his choice.  He can't go back and decide that he still wants to be on tv-especially when it means that he takes up an hour of prime time every single night.  I'm tired of it already.  Jay, please write a book, or go on a speaking tour, whatever makes you happy, as long as you quit taking up my tv time.
9.Because of Jay Leno they moved around Law and Order SVU.  Wednesdays at nine is not a good time.  I want it back at ten o'clock.  Please!
10. Since I can't have french fries, I am eating a bowl of fruit loops.
11. I think that I laugh at least once during every episode of Phineas and Ferb that Katarina watches.  Yep, I'm a dork!
12. How many weeks is baseball going to replace Bones?  So annoying!
13. Wow, lots of tv this week on the list!  And a lot of annoyances too.
What are your favorite things to watch? (for those of you who watch tv)

-bLerApy...you know you need some!

Wednesday is your last day to write whatever you want.   Free of repercussions.  Free of  nosy family or friends or co-workers.  Your chance to truly be unfiltered in a whole new way!!  Go check it out before you miss it!

-All About Mom

Over at Raising My Four Sons, I saw this cute questionnaire that her sons filled out at school, and since my daughter is about the same age as one of the sons, I wondered how she would answer some of the same questions about me!  So here goes...

~Her favorite ice cream flavor is-Swiss Orange (from Edy's...Yum!!!)
~Her favorite meal to prepare is-Soup (this is random, since I don't particularly like soup, and hardly ever make it unless someone is sick)
~Her favorite restaurant-Golden Corral (this is her favorite restaurant--mine is Founaris Brothers, sadly we don't live near it anymore, but it is still the best!)
~Her weight-159 (um, no comment!)
~Her eye color-Blue
~Her best friend-Leigh Anne
~Her usual bedtime-11:00 or midnight (haha...if only she knew!  It is more like 3am)
~What does your Mom do-Work on the computer and read
~How old is your Mom? 26 (that's right)
~What is her favorite color? Pink (I think she is projecting here, mine is purple)
~What is her favorite food? Chili Cheese Fries (I run a healthy house, really, chili has beans and cheese is dairy and french fries are really potatoes.......okay, I admit it, if you want to eat healthy, don't stop here!)
~Something she does well-Cooking (otherwise known as ordering chili cheese fires!)
~What is her favorite movie? Wizard of Oz, Sound of Music and Xanadu (once again, projecting, but I do   enjoy cuddling up with her and watching these, I won't list my favorite movies since I just did that last week)
~How many brothers and sisters does she have? None (correct)
~Where does she like to take you for fun? Bookstore (where everyone goes for fun!!)
~What is your Mom's name? Tracie

-Blog Button

Since I have been away from blogging the last couple of years this new thing has happened....buttons.  It seems like everyone has got one.  And if everyone else has one, of course I want one too (I will also jump off of a bridge if all y'all successful bloggers decide to do that, so just give me a call, okay?)

Last night I set off to find out how to have one of these buttons that I could call my own.  I found Rainy Day Blog Design, who had a great tutorial on how you can make a button.  I followed her instructions and was rewarded with that cute button you see up there......

But there was one little problem.  When I went to admire my new button that proclaims me to be just as cool as as all the super bloggers out there,  I noticed something.  I didn't have one of those cool boxes underneath that allows someone else to grab my button.  I realized that a button doesn't do me any good if I am the only one who can have it.  I needed more help, so I went on another search and found the Cincinnati Women Bloggers who had the answer. (thankfully I didn't have to prove my Cincinnati residency since I don't have one) Whew!  Now I have a blog button and a little box underneath it with the text so that other people can have my button too! 

-Sundays with Angela Shelton

After last week's technical problems Angela is going to be doing her Sunday live stream from Twitter this week......grrrr  I have successfully avoided twitter every since it was invented, but now, I am on it....trying to figure it out.  Not necessarily being successful.  We will see how this goes.  Do you think that I will get sucked in and become a twitterer (is there a fancy word for someone who twitters--tweeter, chirper, bird-face.....?)  Twitter makes me feel old.....and I'm only 26, this is bad.

-I Love This Video!

-Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Movies that I love......In no particular order, and I will probably miss a lot. I'm terrible at picking favorites of anything, so this is just the first thirteen movies that I could watch over and over again that popped into my head.  Let me know what some of your favorite movies are!

1. Philadelphia Story

2. The Holiday

3. Searching for Angela Shelton

4. Lord of the Rings Trilogy

5. Arsenic and Old Lace

6. Stranger Than Fiction

7. Atonement

8. Pricess Bride

9. Gosford Park

10. Mary Poppins

11. Fried Green Tomatoes

12. Happiest Millionaire
13. Howard's End

This is in no way a complete list.  If you want to play along, you can go here.

-Just For You

Hey Speaking from the Crib.....this is just for you!!!

-Cousin Update

Last week I mentioned that I reconnected with a cousin that I haven't seen in 10 years.  Last night (okay, early this morning) I was emailing my friend Jenny a ridiculously long email with numbered points (I'm not sure why exactly, but who knows why we do the things that we do at 3am) and then ......well instead of explaining it, here is an excerpt from the email:

"11. I love Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie.  Thank you for sharing my British obsession.  It is good to know that I am not the only one! (at this point all is normal)
12. side note that doesn't belong to a number, but will have to be there because it just happened.  My cousin that I blogged about just logged onto fb and now I am having a small anxiety attack wondering if he is going to respond to my note......heart racing, breath uneven and shallow.  Thanks for letting me rant. (I try to go back to email writing)

13. I fully intend to check out the blogs that you listed on yours, but I have been playing reading blogs catch up all week long it seems.

14. You asked about us.....       (The whole thinking thing isn't working so well)

15. I am trying to come up with answers......

16. I am liking this thing where I write numbered half sentences and a bunch of dots.........

17. My heart rate seems to be nearing normal now.......

18. My cousin has is no longer on fb..........no letter response.  How much do I want to read into that?.......

Okay, I am getting a hold of myself now and will stop this and be a normal email writer again!!"

Still waiting to hear back from him.  Obsession continues.

-Pears

I have found perfection......Yoplait Pear Yogurt.  Yum!

-Take Your Best Shot by Austin Gutwein and Todd Hillard

Have you ever wondered what faith that can change the world really looks like?  The book Take Your Best Shot gives an incredible example.  When Austin Gutwein was only nine years old, he saw a video from World Vision called Maggie's Story.  Maggie was also nine years old; but she lived in Zambia, and she was an AIDS orphan.  This four minute video sparked a passion that would eventually become the organization Hoops of Hope, an international aid group that has provided sponsorship, education and medical care to countless people in Africa.  Along with the story of Hoops of Hope you are provided with a glimpse into the behind the scenes work and faith happening in Austin's life, complete with pictures.

What makes this book different from other books of this genre, is that it also focuses on the reader, and inspires the reader to find their passion, look for a need and put those two together to make a change.  Although it is clearly written to a teen audience, I found myself drawn into it in a powerful way.  At the end of each chapter there is a discussion area, and more than once I was challenged by the Word of God and inspired to "think like a nine year old".  To have faith in God removed from the overwhelming practicality of adulthood.  To work to change the world, even if you just start with one person's world.  It is definitely going to go on my daughter's reading list for school this year.  It was a great first pick to review for  Thomas Nelson.

-Dancing with Angela

I am going to the Searching for Angela Shelton Re-release and Dance Party today!!!  The nice part is that I don't even have to leave my house (or my pajamas!)

-A Free Anniversary Giveaway

Not from me, from Becky over at Love Everyday Life.  She is having her 100th post giveaway. She's giving away this great bag from Kinies.

But it isn't just a bag (that would be too boring...this is an anniversary folks so she has to step it up) inside the bag will be :

- a bottle of OPI's "I'm Not Really A Waitress," nail polish

- a $10 gift card to Borders  (which I know I would love to have)
- a $5 gift card to Starbucks (this I could share with my husband, or keep for myself - it is all about the choices people!)


Head to her blog to enter today!  You know you want to!!!!
And please let her know that I sent you! (*because I get credit for it y'all, just being honest!)

Oh yeah, after you sign up for the giveaway check out the rest of her blog too, you won't be sorry!

-My First Blog Award!

Wow, I am so excited.  I have never gotten one of those cute little buttons that says to the world, "someone likes this blog, besides the person who writes it"...until today!  Because today, Chantel, who has an awesome blog-please go visit it, gave me this award....

Can you believe it??  How fun!  Now, here are the rules of this award... 

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.  Which means that now I get to spread the cheer around!  (Since I am back after a couple of years away, a few of mine will be blogs that I used to read and have enjoyed rediscovering, and I will award 16, because I am rebellious like that!)

1. Beautiful Dreamer
2. Boo Mama (rediscovered)
3. A Brunette Making it One Day at a Time  (gotta love a brunette!)
4.Cait Clendenin
5. Cheaper Than Therapy (rediscovered)
6. Curiosity
7. Knit Sew Much
8. Net Chick (she does a great meet and greet every weekend)
9. Survivors Can Thrive (rediscovered...even her title is inspiring!!)
10. Tangled Up in Sticks and String
11. Up North Mommy
12. Beyond by Maureen
13. My LaLa Land
14. Our Treasures from Afar
15. Vanessa Sings
16. Enough a Cynic to Believe

Now, hopefully I didn't leave anyone out. Please everyone go check out these great blogs, and thanks again Chantel!

-Thursday Thirteen...Things I Have Read This Week

1. The Bible.

2. Sherlock Holmes....the complete, unabridged collection.  I realized a couple of weeks ago that I had never actually read Sherlock Holmes and in my usual fashion bought them all!!! 

3. Orlando Sentinel, Arizona Republic, New York Times, .......well, I won't list all the newspapers that I read here, because that alone would be more than 13!  I'm a little news obsessed!

4. Survivor Manual ......it just moved and got reorganized!

5. Killer Heat .....I wanted to be reading Lethal Legacy but I haven't gotten a copy yet, so I reread Killer Heat.  I love those Linda Fairstein books!

6. After I read a post about stranding, I had to find out more.

7. The first Julie Book.  There are all of these new American Girls that didn't exist when I was a kid.  When Katarina finishes reading one she hands it to me to read, and then asks me comprehension question the same way I do to her - I think that is her favorite part about loaning me books!

*Sidenote~Not only are there new American Girls, but Julie takes place only nine years (yes, less than a decade!) before I was born.......and now I officially feel old.  The only bright spot in this situation is that according to the books timeline, she would have been born the same year as my husband, so I comfort myself with the fact that they don't have an American Girl who is exactly my age...at least, not yet!

8. Pearls Before Swine......the strip and the blog.

9. The Mistmantle Chronicles Book One ....to be truthful, Katarina is reading this one to me.

10. My Sonlight Catalog. 

11. The program guide for my remote control....someone broke the little battery cover on the back and now every time it pops off, the batteries pop out, and I have to reprogram the it to communicate with my tv and dvd player.  *Note to self: Go buy a new remote, or at least a roll of tape to keep the battery cover on!

12. Emma by Jane Austin.  I have read this before, but it is a great reread (this has been a week with a couple of rereads) and it is also on this list of 100 that my friend, Jenny, has gotten me obsessed with.

13. Lots of emails.....that I have been a real slacker about responding to, so I should probably go do that now.....Happy Thursday Thirteen Everyone!!

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-Today is for Smiling

After yesterday's heavy post I thought I would concentrate on smiles today!!  I saw this on Knit Sew Much and I am shamelessly stealing it......

-Forgiveness Questions

Today is a day for thinking about forgiveness. I saw a video about it today on my friend's facebook (I would share it, but I have no idea how to get it from there to here, so instead I will just tease you with it) and it got me thinking. Depending on who you ask, you will get all kinds of answers to questions about forgiveness - who should I forgive, why should I forgive, what does forgiveness mean. On the video I saw there was a quote from one of the victims from the Virginia Tech shooting, Mary Karen Read, it was from her last journal entry, "When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future."

I agree with that.

I think I agree with that. 

In all honesty, I know that it sounds good, but I am not sure that I know what it means.  I am sure about the first part.  Forgiveness is an essential part of the healing process.  It is the second part I am a little hung up on.  Obviously forgiveness can't change the past, but does it enlarge the future?  What does that mean?

I think the problem could be my view of forgiveness.  I have worked hard to forgive.  I've done it because I understand the Biblical principle of forgiveness, I see all that the Lord has forgiven me and I know that I should forgive also.  I've done it as part of the healing process - amid lots of advice about being able to move on.  I've participated in what feels like hundreds of discussions about "forgive doesn't equal forget" and similar issues. I've felt firsthand the peace that can come with forgiveness.

After all of this, lately, I have been wondering.....what comes next?  When I think about my father, it has been almost five years since we have talked.  Now, as a side note I should explain that forgiveness or not, there will not even be a question of a relationship with him unless certain expectations have been met.  They are not big things, and he knows exactly what they are, but still he doesn't do them.  I think that is where my problem is coming in.  I went into the big confrontation conversation with him after years of thinking about what I would say.  I prayed and did a lot of work before that conversation.  I forgave him before I even set it up.  I made sure that I was walking into that conversation for all of the "right reasons".  I was sure of my position and ready to hear him out in an effort to move forward. Even after all of that I wasn't prepared for his response, although I should have been.  Looking back at it, the reaction he had really was exactly what I should have expected, but at the time I was hoping for better from him.  I was hoping that for once he would be honest and open and maybe put someone else's feelings before his own.  I thought that he would want that relationship with me (and not just me, but also his granddaughter).  But instead he evaded and yelled and beat on the table and ran away (I mean, he literally ran from the bench we were sitting on to get to his car)

When it was over I walked away secure in the fact that I had given him a chance, and I had left a door open for him to be able to spend his own time thinking things through and hopefully come back and ask for another conversation with me.  I was sad, but I was also at peace.  I started working towards moving my life forward, to gaining a new level of healing.  I had a marriage and a child and life and eventually homeschooling just to name a few things that I was doing, but in the back of my mind there was this thought......why doesn't he love me.  I mean, all of the abuse aside and everything that happened while I was a child (the things that were his fault and the things that weren't) I always told myself that he loved me.  But now, it is coming up on five years.  Five years and no phone call, no letter, not even a smoke signal. 

I cope with this.  Usually I don't even think about it.  But a week or so ago, I got back in touch with a cousin I had not seen or heard from in ten years.  He writes me an email, and in the note asks about my parents.  Such a simple question with such a complicated response.  So I tell him truthfully that my mom is great and that I haven't been in touch with my dad for five years.  His response...I'm still waiting, and obsessing over what he is thinking as he reads that.  And all of that obsessing has brought my father right up to the forefront of my mind and that question, why doesn't he love me is right there nagging at me.  All of my coping techniques and positive thoughts and the self-esteem that I have gained seems lost in this one question.  And I begin to doubt myself, I begin to wonder did I ever forgive him?  And I think about this quote and wonder, has my future been enlarged?  Is that what was supposed to happen, because if it is I have to admit that right now I can't even concentrate on my future (even when lots of stuff is up in the air for us right now and it is exactly the thing I should be concentrating on) because I am left wondering....was there a time when he ever did love me?

At My House This Week.....

If you were at my house this week, you would have gotten to be a part of this conversation......

Thomas: “You know, you can youtube knitting and learn how to do new stitches.”

Tracie: “How do you know, did you try it?”

Thomas: “No, but they have that on youtube... Have you done it yet?

Tracie: “No, did you? Did you watch youtube so you could learn how to knit?”

Thomas: “No.”

Katarina chimes in: “Sure you did Mr. I Want To Learn How To Knit But Don’t Want To Admit It!”

Narnia

Ah...Watching the Chronicles of Narnia with my daughter. Priceless. That is why Saturday afternoons were invented!

Have You Found Angela Shelton??

Don't worry...Angela isn't lost....anymore. A few years ago, she went searching for all of the Angela Sheltons as a way to interview women in America, and in that time she found herself. But it wasn't just a personal journey for her, she took us all along with her. You can watch the amazing trip that she took in her groundbreaking film, Searching For Angela Shelton. The official version of the movie is now available on DVD, and I would suggest that everyone get a copy and watch it.

The day that I saw this movie, my life was changed. When Angela talked to all of the Angela Sheltons, she discovered a disturbing fact - 70% of the 40 Angela Sheltons she talked to had been either raped, beaten, or molested. She was able to relate to all of these women, because she had been sexually abused by her father and other family members as a child. The journey of this film led her straight to her father's door (on Father's Day) to confront him about the abuse.

The first time that I saw this film, I was a sexual abuse survivor in hiding. I hadn't wanted to admit to myself, much less anyone else, what had happened to me as a child. After I saw the courage Angela had to come out to the world, honest and unashamed, I realized that the silence that surrounds this issue enables perpetrators to continue their crimes against children. It started me on my own journey of honesty and healing.

Now, I pause here to admit that so far this movie may not sound like a barrel of laughs, and you may be wondering why you should see it, won't it be a real downer... Let me assure you that although this is a serious subject matter, this movie is inspiring. All of the Angela's come from different places with their own unique story. And even if you aren't a survivor yourself, I guarantee that you know someone who is (even if they are in hiding the way I was) It is the type of movie that you will want to watch again and loan out to your friends so that they can see it too.

October

So, I guess I overestimated the reach of my blogging addiction. It seems like last month just flew by without my noticing. Getting back to homeschooling, some car issues, some (okay, a lot) of stress....and now it is October. Autumn is here. Not for those of us in Florida, but we pretend and dream :)

Last week, Katarina woke up and got dressed in a long sleeve shirt. When I asked her why she was doing it, she said, "Mommy, it is officially autumn now and it should be cold". I then explained to her that just because it is autumn doesn't mean that our weather has been informed of the change, and she said, "well, it is being informed now, with my long sleeves. It better get with it!". What can I say--we really are cold weather people who have been denied the chance to live that out. Maybe one day.