From Tracie: In Remembrance Of Me

Thursday, December 06, 2012

In Remembrance Of Me

I read a blog post about communion today.

"This is Christ's body, broken for you," it said.

"Do this in remembrance of Me," I heard.

And I remembered.

There was a time I took communion every week.

It seemed so radical to take weekly communion, such a break from my Baptist upbringing, but I loved it. I waited expectantly for that moment in the service. I wondered why the church of my childhood had only done it once a year. I thought it was mostly due to how long it took to pass all those silver plates around the huge room, taking up most of the time carved out of people's Sunday mornings for a church service. And I grieved to think that we gave up that beautiful moment 51 weeks of the year because it took too long to serve everyone in the room.

This is Christ's body, broken for you.

I was once healed during a communion service. It isn't the first thought most people have when communion comes to mind, but for me communion is so much about healing. Not just that physical healing I experienced, but a healing of the spirit and soul.

Do this in remembrance of Me.

I am trying to remember how long it has been since I've taken communion.

Two years. Maybe three.

Three years is a long time to not do something you love.

Three years is a long time to not have that moment of peace totally focused on Jesus.

This is the real honesty: I have only been to church a handful of times in the last five years.

It grieves me now to think that I gave up that beautiful moment almost 260 times because of hurt feelings, and dashed hopes, and transportation issues, and a faith crisis, and confusion, and fear.

I miss communion - the cracker and grape juice kind of communion, and the fellowship of the saints kind of communion.

Sometimes the simplest things seem so big and so hard.

Sometimes the things I want to do are the exact things I do not do.

And sometimes when I open up a bottle of Katarina's favorite grape juice, and stand by the refrigerator taking a swig out of the bottle, I think "Do this in remembrance of Me," and a tear slides down my cheek.

*This is the blog post I read today, from Rachel Held Evans

18 comments:

  1. This is beautiful, Tracie. I know that feeling of wanting to do something and NOT doing it. I hope you find your way back. <3

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  2. sweetie what on earth made you think that could only be done at a church when handed out by a pastor?? Communion is about YOU becoming one with Christ. The representation of the blood that bought your healing and the bones that were broken not. Do it daily at home if you want, as a moment of prayer and meditation between you and Jesus. That is what kills me about religion, it leads us to believe we cannot get to God alone, when we can. that is what he wants is for US to seek Him. Us to get lost in the word and talk to HIM about it.

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    1. That is so very true. And I do thank you for that reminder - I did used to do communion at home a lot, but it has been a long time. I think I'm at the place now where I'm missing not just communion, but the church itself, and being a part of it. Christianity works alone, because it is a relationship between you and God, but there is something great about having the support and love of doing it together with others, even if just once a week. Love you.

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  3. While I understand the comfort in a familiar ritual (communion, praying the rosary, meditation, or some other religious/spiritual ritual), I also believe that God will come to us wherever we are. I believe Jesus is there with you when you remember him at your home.

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    1. Absolutely! I believe that too.

      I'm wanting to have both of those things again - the alone time and the together time.

      Love you Cindy.

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  4. I so get this, Tracie. I grew up taking communion very few times, too. But as an adult I have gone to churches that served it every week. It was through that weekly sacrament I received much inner healing, too. Many times, all I could do was cry through it, but that was enough. I believe tears are their own prayer sometimes. Beautiful :)

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    1. Oh Lori. I know so well those tears; they are definitely prayers.

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  5. Oh Tracie, I hope you find a way to get back in church and enjoy fellowship and worship and communion. I didn't know that you were struggling with some things in that regard. But I know that your heart is in the right place. This was a beautiful piece.

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    1. Thank you so much.

      I will find my way back. I appreciate your support.

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  6. I, too, hope you find your way back, although I have learned that God meets us wherever we are. Saying a prayer for you and hoping you find peace and joy.

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    1. He really does.

      Thank you for your prayer.

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  7. Firm believer that God meets us right where we are. Thank you Tracie for sharing. Hugs.

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    1. I believe He does. Thanks for reading. Blessings to you.

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  8. Tracy you wrote this for me. I'm the same...thank you....

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    1. You are so welcome. I'll pray for you as you walk this path. It is a hard place to be, but I know we can both find our way back to that place of communion (both kinds).

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    2. Go back! Go back Tracie! Jesus misses you too! :-)

      I take communion every week too. I think what really helped me to get strong spiritually was consistently reading the Bible (and you love to read too!). Then I was able to handle hypocrisy when I saw it because my faith wasn't based on the behavior of people. And ... I also prayed for God to lead me to the right church. In 3 years I was invited to sister churches of the same assembly four different times and in 3 different cities (countries).

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  9. Communion means a lot to me, too. I wish you well in your journey back.

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