Monday, October 18, 2010

Midnight Pilates

I have decided to take up exercising. I know. You never expected it of me, did you? Tracie. The junk food junkie (which might explain why I need to exercise! Just a thought) the woman who doesn't run unless she is being chased....and the other person has weapons.

I partly blame Erin, the exercise queen. She talks about doing the Jillian Shred dvd and I think, "I could do that" well, not Jillian. There is no way I'm doing THAT, but I could pull out my Denise Austin Pilates again.

I started out easy. The first week I got the dvd out from where it was hiding behind the tv and set it on top of the dvd player. That was a major feat.

At least once a day I looked at it. My eyes felt skinnier already.

I knew that if I really wanted to concentrate on doing Pilates correctly, I would have to do it when everyone else at my house was asleep. I made a commitment to myself....Midnight Pilates.

I was doing really great. My friend helped by tweeting encouraging things to me.

One night I skipped though. The next night I wanted to go to bed a little early. I realized that skipping two nights in a row was the pathway to quitting, so I talked myself into doing 11:30 Pilates.

Thomas happened to still be awake, so I told him that I was going to do my Midnight Pilates a little early.

Thomas, "How long does it take?"

"About twenty minutes," I told him.

I started getting ready, putting on exercising clothes, filling up a glass of water, braiding my hair, and pulling out the dvd. And yes, I realize that there is something ludicrous about doing all of this at midnight every night.

Thomas, "Oh. Do you have to use the tv to do that?"

Tracie, "Um. Yeah. I don't just lay down on the floor and DO pilates that I make up in my mind. I have to follow the instructions."

I turn on the dvd and start Pilating. Yes I made that word up. Don't judge.

Denise's Perky Voice, "Zip up those abs! Pull that tummy in!"

Tracie's Mind, "okay breath out. Suck in tummy...........ah! I'm holding my breath again. Breathe out."

I am in the middle of doing this:
(I know you are thinking to yourself that it doesn't look hard, but there is more movement involved!)
I realize that I am being watched. I look up and Thomas is just sitting there staring at me. Which makes me feel silly and then the giggles start. Have you tried holding in your tummy, breathing, and balancing all while having a giggle fit?

It gets harder when you are doing this:

Denise's Perky Voice, "Hold it...two more seconds. Keep those abs tight and pulled in. Slowly lower those legs, but keep your shoulder blades up off the ground"

Tracie's Mind, "She is going to make me do this one more time. Breathe out slowly and HOLD THOSE ABS IN"

Thomas, "How much longer do you have to do this?"

Tracie ignores Thomas.

Deinise's Perky Voice, "This is all about the core. Think about your core and hold those tummys up and in"

While doing this:

Tracie's Mind, "Yeah yeah. The core. I'm going to core YOU Denise."

Then I have to do something that looks like this:
(Only I'm doing all of these at the same time. And there is no beach.
Also I'm walking uphill in the snow both ways.)
At that moment Thomas pipes back in with, "She doesn't have a belly button."

Tracie (out of breath and balancing on one foot), "What?"

Thomas, "She doesn't have a belly button."

Tracie, "What are you talking about? Yes she does. You can see it right there."

Denise's Pesky Perky Voice, "You are doing great! Just five more seconds now...keep concentrating on that core. Your abs are pulled in and you are growing taller. Grow taller. Elongate. Now let's do something a little harder...."

Right, because growing taller isn't hard at all.

This is exactly how I looked. Promise.
Tracie's Mind, "Breathe out very slowly. Suck in stomach. Suck in stomach. Don't fall. Why do I feel lightheaded? Oh! Breathe back in...but only a little bit because I have to SUCK IN MY STOMACH"

Thomas, "You know what I mean, there is no where for her belly button to go."

Tracie, "Really? I am over here balancing on one finger and you want to have a conversation about where skinny people's belly button's go? Is that what we are going to do right now?"

End Midnight Pilates.

All these pictures are from Photoree because I certainly wan't going to ask Thomas to take pictures of me Pilating. 



36 comments:

  1. LOL! I can't stand to exercise in front of my kids or husband. They always critique my moves.

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  2. not only funny to read, I could picture this...at least you made it through having him there watching. If you can do all those and the last one also...I'm afraid you might not need to do so much...lol...accept the breathing part...great blog...made me smile...If I lived closer I'd do them with you. I don't know any one here...

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  3. Haha,
    Ok, 1st I would like to say wholeheartedly that I believe in you and your "Palating". Even when I scratch my head and wonder how you can eat what you do and keep your shape, (you know what I'm talking about my little cookie eating, "wonkonian"- I mean we both know how certain words like "Godiva" and "Pumpkin Spice latte" affect you,- and Katie, ughh). I just saw that the lady had a black hole in her stomach with no belly button ...just a black hole. I am formally sorry for making you laugh however and will from now on be in bed asleep during your special time... if not in the dog's house.

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  4. I love pilates. I wish I could get motivated..

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  5. Bawhaha!

    I could never do that in front of Gadget Guy. He'd make fun of me for a month.

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  6. I can exercise pretty much in front of anyone. I don't care if I make an ass out of myself. I do however have a belly button.

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  7. LOL. If you can do that last pic, You are an excellent pilater....:)
    I'm impressed.
    Suck it in.
    Are you at your core yet?
    You can do it!

    Midnight pilates?
    That's just wrong somehow. ;)
    Try middle of the afternoon pilates.
    lol.
    And I want pictures...lol.
    hee-hee.
    Although You described your miscomfort awfully well!

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  8. I always said I would never run unless someones was behind me with a flaming stick.

    AND they had to look mean.

    And now here I am running 5Ks. Whoda thunk?

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  9. My sons enjoy watching me sweat while Jillian barks and snarls in my direction. My oldest now says things like, "Mom, you need to increase your cardio."

    Wonderful. Thanks, peanut gallery.

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  10. Ok, how did he figure out that she didn't have a belly button? Why is he looking for a belly button?

    Oh, I forgot, Male....

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  11. I am sitting here at midnight...cracking up over this and wondering how in the heck you can do it so late!

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  12. Dearest, you are going ot have to wait for wedding pictures, because Mumsy has most of them on her camera...and getting her to upload them to my snapfish is just one step ahead of her technological ability at this moment...she is still learning...

    Now, go back and comment on the music.

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  13. Omg, hilarious! Keep at it, it works! I should take up Pilates again (dvd is next to the dvd player now) - it's just so hard to find the time and energy(excuses, excuses). And I refuse to do it w/Paulie watching!

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  14. That is hilarious!!!

    And why I can't workout at home. During the day- little children. At night- a snarky husband.

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  15. I totally cracked up during this entire post... "My eyes were skinnier already" about killed me! :)

    I could appreciate it even more because yesterday I did a kick-boxing routine from FIT TV & my husband sat there & critiqued EVERYTHING... I was ready to go kickbox his HEAD by the end of it all...

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  16. This right here is why I don't exercise.

    I can't do it with my husband watching. Watching and judging and narrating.

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  17. LOL!!!!! Ok so I just wrote my Friday post about doing the Shred. Exercise sucks. I just don't do it but thinking about it never gets me smaller:-(. I have tried.

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  18. keep it up!! it'll inspire me...and i need it
    jillian has almost reduced me to tears...it wouldn't kill her to smile..

    hope you're having a lovely week thus far!! :)

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  19. when I do my Pilates, I have 3 dogs trying to jump me. Seriously, my horse dogs think Mommy's ready to wrestle. I do love Pilates, though. My hubs got me a reformer, a Pilates machine for Christmas. It's fantabulous. Good luck. Try like 2 am, maybe everyone will be snoozing then.

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  20. Oh man, my friend and buddy, Vanessa from Much More Than Mommy gave me your link. You had me at "I started out easy. The first week I got the dvd out from where it was hiding behind the tv and set it on top of the dvd player. That was a major feat." hahahaahahaahah, man. Still laughing.

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  21. I love to hate Denise as well. Her kids are going to college thanks to me.

    I refuse to exercise in front of my husband though, because he usually thinks of it as an invite, if you get my drift - "you're already sweaty."

    Oh yeah, hands off ladies, he's all mine.

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  22. Hey Tracie! Saw your comment on Beth's blog and wanted to say thanks. It's been a wild week with the book release.

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  23. This makes me laugh even MORE now. ;-) I wonder if Zeke is reading you now!!!

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  24. 'my eyes felt skinnier already'--hilarious. my eyes are like, a zero by now because i've been looking at the jillian shred dvd in it's case for months. months i tell you!

    i cannot workout in front of the husband...nothing gets accomplished. congrats for doing it again...if only we could work out once and *poof* be fit again...

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  25. So funny. This is why I walk with the kids while Matt is at work!

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  26. This was my first time here. This post was so funny! I had a good hearty laugh, thanks for sharing!

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  27. Great! I also started lifting some weight last Friday, when I exercise, I feel stronger and confident

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  28. Yeah, I learned a long time ago that exercising in front of my husband just doesn't work. Seriously, have they no sense of what it takes to exercise?

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  29. I think Thomas needs to do pilating with you next time. ;)

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  30. You are one step further along then me. All my excercise DVDS are sitting on a bookshelf in my bedroom. I think thats ok because I know where they are when I want to start excercising again.

    Good lunk with pilates

    Happy SITS DAY!!!!

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  31. I also have to lock my dog out before I try to exercise. She gets really, really concerned for my welfare.

    Pesky interlopers.

    Happy SITS day!

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  32. My husband thought pilates was very silly until I challenged him to do just a couple of the moves(he is pretty in shape).

    Once he figured out how it really kicks one in the caboose the comments stopped.

    One always thinks something looks easy silly until they themselves try it.

    Keep up the good work. Oh as for the running only when someone chases you with a weapon... try a slow jog for just 10 minutes a day.

    I lost 20 pounds doing that of course it took a whole year. ttfn

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  33. This is HILARIOUS! I loved reading about your workout- I can totally relate. I flat out won't do one in front of my husband! =)

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  34. Yeah, I don't bother trying to exercise in front of the kids or my husband anymore. Which is to say...I don't bother to exercise anymore.

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  35. LOL and this is why I won't workout in front of the BF!!!

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  36. I'm still trying to work up the motivation to actually DO the exercise plan I have set out. Thankfully, my husband is more likely to join in than make comments or I would have one more reason to not want to exercise.

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