From Tracie: Psycho Pills and My Husband

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Psycho Pills and My Husband

Sometimes marriage is about choosing your battles. Deciding if something is a minor annoyance, or a really big deal. Not saying every single thing that comes into your mind. Conveying some thoughts with a look, instead of words.

There are the things you say, and the things you think about saying.

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Thomas sits down at the computer, logs into facebook (this is dangerous already), and reads someone's status update. I can hear it. The click, click, click of the keyboard. The muffled chuckling.

"Tracie, come look at this. Read what I wrote. Out loud! Read it out loud so I can hear it. Isn't that funny?"

I respond, without laughing, "Okay. If you want to post that, you can post that," and quickly return to my book.

What I think about saying..... "Did you take psycho pills this morning? I know that person. You are not actually going to post that craziness on his facebook page, are you? Really!?! You know we might actually see him again in real life. Don't you think about these things?"

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Thomas enjoys shopping for presents. He loves to pick up little things he knows I like - a candy bar, cookies, cupcakes (sugar is the way to my heart), things like that. But sometimes he gets detoured in the clothing department.

I am not sure why there isn't a woman working in department stores whose sole job is keeping husbands out of the women's clothing department, but that is a subject for another day.

Thomas came home with a shirt for me. I really should have a picture of it here so you could bask in the scariness. Imagine with me the worst shirt you have ever seen in a store, or all clothes your grandma wore in 1982.

Ugly Shirt
Combine these four shirts in your mind, and you will have a good idea.
"Here, honey. I saw this, and it was so pretty, I wanted to bring it to you. Try it on. See if it fits."

I put on the shirt. Remembering that he was trying to do something nice, I place a smile on my face, and say, "It is so sweet of you to bring me a shirt. It is not my usual style, but it is very special. I think it might be a little too small. If I dry it in the dryer, it will shrink. I should probably take it back, and see if I can get a size bigger."

What I think about saying..... "I am sorry. Were you shopping for me, or for your imaginary wife who is 95 years old? I am not a grandma. Why did you buy me this crazy, appliqué-flowered mess? On what planet are shoulder pads attractive in the year 2010? I would never wear this in public. I will, however, take it back to the store, have a difficult time finding the rack it came on, and replace it with a shirt that doesn't make me look like a crazy person."

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I will restrain myself from sharing the conversations where Thomas invites me to play computer games (games other than Candy Crush - I love me some Candy Crush) with him.

It is enough to tell you my response..... "No I will not play World of Warcraft with you. I do not want to be a troll. I do not want to kill giant lizard things. I will not hang out with your friends, when all they talk about is how cool it is when they turn into bears. If they want to be bears, that is fine, as long as they are bears.....way over there.........far away from me!"

Actually, this was exactly what I said to him. I chose that battle immediately.

29 comments:

  1. I think my inlaws must have taught your hubby to shop since they have the same taste he does!

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  2. That was hilarious. That shirt sounds super ugly!

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  3. With the Facebook, my husband does THE EXACT SAME THING!!! It drives me insane. Why do I have to edit his Facebook jokes? I don't get it. And, even when I tell him not to post something, he does it anyways! What's the point?

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  4. These are:

    1. making me laugh hysterically.

    2. making me thankful for my husband the work-a-holic mute who doesn't talk to me or buy me things.

    Loved them!

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  5. OMG, Hank does the same thing with facebook!! He is addicted and won't stop no matter how hard I try! Very Funny!

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  6. If I let my husband go shopping for me, he would bring home slutty stuff that teenagers wear.....not gonna happen!!

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  7. ROFL ----replace sock yarn for shirt and you have my husband. Now most folks are impressed that my husband can actually shop for sock yarn and come home with the right thing. What I was thinking was ... you actually thought I would LIKE this color? Maybe actually LOVE it???

    I wear those socks on my gyno appointments to give the Dr. a good laugh after looking at nether regions all day.

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  8. My husband plays an online game called Ultima Online. He actually gets to play it for free because there's some group that has a free shard and trying to get more people to play it. He keeps telling me to play it too, but I think it looks BORING. lol And I have NO problem telling him that!

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  9. Next thing you know it will be Dungeons & Dragons...or maybe World of Warcraft is what comes after growing up playing D&D?
    Either way...OUCH!

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  10. Those are great! Yes your hubby needs to stay out of the clothing department...hehe.

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  11. You had me laughing all the way through the post! This was great!!!!!

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  12. Love it! and I have to say, Duke is sworn off of clothes shopping for me and himslef and any of our offspring

    he is clothtarded

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  13. Shoulder pads? I'm dying....

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  14. OH MY GOODNESS!! LOL! Too funny. I think I need to go and visit this Chief who hides and play along next Wednesday!!

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  15. OMG, so laughing at the shirt he bought you. that's hilarious!!

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  16. Love this post. I think you should post a picture of that shirt!

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  17. BWAHAHAHAHA! Facebook is such a tool... I mean trouble! :) Hey he goes shopping!

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  18. Freakin hilarious! At least he tried.

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  19. pretty cool stuff here thank you!!!!!!!

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  20. Omg I died when I saw that shirt photo! My husband does the same thing except he brings me thongs...it wasn't happening even when I had a thong behind. It definitely ain't happening now! Enjoyed it :) #goinggreen

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  21. OMG I cracked up reading about the shirt! That's kinda how I feel every time someone in my husband's family buys me any type of clothing.

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  22. LOL!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! There are SO many things I'm not saying today. It's almost bedtime, right? B/C tomorrow? It's on!

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  23. Oh my goodness, Tracie, that's hilarious!!! Me and my Mister were on a cruise a couple of years ago and he bought me the worst shirt...it was blue with a pink CLAM on the front. AND it was "bedazzled". It looked like something my grandmother would wear! But we had a good laugh over it later. He's a good man, just wasn't thinking things through, apparently...must have been thinking of his granny!

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  24. Well, at least he buys you clothes. My hubs never brings home any sweet gifts. Of course, maybe I'm lucky after seeing those pics! This post is hilarious! Congrats on being the co-host for the Going Green linkup!

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  25. Oh! Wait! I'm supposed to have a filter?? That's the problem! At least I know you THINK the things I would say :)

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  26. Oh I am so laughing!! My husband brings our daughter shopping with him...between her and the owner of my favorite store, I always get something I like, even if it doesn't fit. Now if it was him picking it out at some random store, I would end up with exactly something like what you got.Meanwhile his brother and his father can go shopping for their wives by themselves and they will pick out something gorgeous every time. I guess mine didn't get that shopping gene. :) Thanks for hosting this!!

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  27. I totally think all of that. My problem, I actually say it. Must.practice.more.restraint... Glad you recycled this.

    I'm a new follower via Twitter (@zoojourneys), Pinterest and Google+.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo
    Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/journeyofthezoo
    Google+: https://plus.google.com/117146120519608211142/posts

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  28. Too funny!! I love these and I need to learn to restrain myself like this, and not always say what I am thinking to my guy...makes for one less argument!

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