From Tracie: Menopause Is Calling Me

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Menopause Is Calling Me

There is something wrong with my tongue. You know the feeling when you drink something too hot, and it burns a spot on your tongue, feeling weird for a couple of hours? My entire tongue has felt like that for four days.

This makes eating so much fun.

Except for ice cream. Ice cream isn't too bad.

Last night I turned to Dr. Internet for answers (that worked so well the last time I tried it).

I now know about all of the interesting, and by interesting I mean gross, tongue conditions that are possible:
  • Hairy Leukoplakia
  • Hairy Tongue
  • Black Hairy Tongue (for the first time in my life, I find myself being thankful my tongue doesn't have hair growing on it)
  • Geographic Tongue (with my directional skills, I'm pretty sure I don't have any condition with the word "geographic" in it)
  • Burning Tongue Syndrome

The last one had possibilities, and no mention of hair, so I decided to do more research.

Burning Tongue Syndrome.
I read the information quickly. There was a lot of stuff about nerve damage and cutting out stress, and then I saw it...

"After menopause, some women have a sudden feeling that their tongue has been burned. This is called burning tongue syndrome."

I have menopause. Clearly this is the answer, because going through menopause at 28 is exactly what I need in my life.

I told Thomas about my self-diagnosis. We had a good laugh, and I ate a cup of ice before going to bed.

When I woke up this morning, my tongue was still burning. I turned on the computer to find a notification email from twitter. During the night, I had been followed by @DONTmenoPAUSE - "a natural menopause supplement helping and relieving menopause symptoms."

Apparently menopause is calling me.

I'm not answering, because I'm too busy eating another bowl of ice cream...for medical purposes.

*I have no idea if DONTmenoPAUSE works, or not. This mention is in no way an endorsement or recommendation. I am only relaying the sick joke that the universe is playing on me - not dispensing medical advice or information.


  1. gf you better get yourself to the doctor.. it is probably nothing major and I doubt it is menopause but still be safe and get it checked out

  2. bwahahaha.u silly girl.I doubt menopause..u r way youngstill...

  3. A few years ago I thought I was going through Menopause due to a bunch of different symptoms. My Dr. ran some tests. Turns out I wasn't going through Menopause; I'm just crazy. I'm not sure which one is worse.

  4. I refuse to look up anything medical on the internet. By the time I was done, the ONE time I ever did, I thought I was dying. I just had a wierd cold.

    Hope your tongue feels better. Glad it's not hairy. Or black. Ugh. gross...

  5. When I read your title, I was like - wait isn't she like 30 or something? Not even!

    It sounds like an illness that is for the express purpose of encouraging you to eat ice cream.

  6. I had this recently too and burning mouth can be caused by other things, so don't fret. No early menopause for you, ya young 'un!

  7. Woman, I have 12 years on you and I am ignoring all calls from Menopause like they are debt collectors. Just keep eating the ice cream -- if anything, your heart will be happier!


  8. Oops! That was me transferring those calls to someone else, because I ain't taking no big M calls at my house!

  9. Is there a doctor in the house?


  10. Ha! I got followed by the same person following me. And someone offering diet help. And two who host rather, um...inappropriate sites. They're now blocked.

  11. Hilarious! I am not ready for menopause and am hoping that in a few years they will have some awesome meds figured out?!?!? And....Hairy tongue...could you imagine a doctor telling you that is what you have. I would crack up ten say.."are you freakin serious?" Great article!

  12. My husband is convinced I'm going through the change even though I'm only 35...because I used to be so cold natured, and in the last year or so I'm always freezing him out with the A/C and fans running constantly.

    Never had the burning tongue syndrome though! That sounds interesting! Did it get better?

    Stopping in from Going Green :)

  13. Oh that is FUNNY!!! But also so weird huh? I highly DOUBT menopause but my friend DID go through it at age 30. Talk about crazy weird!! Eat more ice cream!!! ;)

  14. Haha! Well, how's the early menopause going? Googling anything freaks me out! I just can't do it, b/c my crazy brain will kick on and I will think I'm dying of hairy tongue.