From Tracie: Merry Go Round And Round

Friday, March 01, 2013

Merry Go Round And Round

Do you remember the metal merry go rounds that used to be on playgrounds? The elementary school I attended had one. As strange and cult-like as that school was, it had a pretty great playground. They put their own stamp of strangeness on it by arranging all the equipment in sections, and only allowing you to use the equipment in the section assigned to your class. But at least the equipment was cool. And they had trees.

The merry go round was in the monkey bar section. Its faded, red paint was chipping off of the metal. Eight kids would grab the bars, and run as fast as we could run. Round and round. One kid would invariably start chanting, "Faster! Faster!" in increasing volume - usually it was the kid who jumped on early, when he was supposed to be helping push.

We would run and push until we reached our maximum speed, the cheers of "Faster! Faster!" echoing in our ears.

At this point, the leader would yell out, "Jump on!"

I always had a second of terror before I jumped onto the merry go round. I feared I would miss my jump, fall on the sandy ground, roll under the merry go round, and get stuck under the base because I was knocked unconscious when I hit my head. (This scenario never actually happened to me, but I was so sure it would each time I got ready to jump.)

For half a minute, the ride was beautiful - wind in our hair, the world flashing by, all of our hard work paying off. Then it would slow. Before it had time to stop completely, everyone jumped off, and ran to the next activity.

I feel like that today.

I am running as fast as I can, but the shouts of "Faster! Faster!" are taunting me and my limitations. Full of fear, I jump. I keep my legs from dragging on the ground as I sit on the spinning base. Before I can fully enjoy the ride, it slows. It stops. I'm left sitting on the hot metal; wishing for everyone to come back and help me push and run.

I want to try again. I want to get it right this time. I want it to be a magical merry go round, and for it to never stop. I want to spin and spin until the world around me is an unrecognizable blur, and nothing can touch me.

17 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, how I love this post! You are a wonderful storyteller, my friend.

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    1. Thank you. You are always so encouraging. I appreciate that more than you know.

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  2. Ok sweetie what is up?? Obviously you have something going on that you feel is pushing you to get done. I know you well enough to know it must be something non enjoyable for you to put it off lol. I loved the Merry go rounds but I would always get sick on them regardless of how I sat or laid on it.

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    1. I do have that feeling going on. But I am okay. Writing this out helped a lot - like free therapy. ;-)

      Merry go rounds did not make me sick when I was a kid, but I think they might now. The worst thing was spinning around in office chairs, I always did that at my mom's work until I was sick when I was kid.

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  3. Wow. You have created a great metaphor. I was always afraid of being sucked under the merry-go-round. I find them scary.

    Flash 55 - You Get What You Ask For

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    1. Thank you!

      They are kind of scary. It seems like you could end up under one, or get your clothes caught? Dangerous!

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  4. I loved those old merry-go-rounds. Great post. I especially love the last paragraph. I'd like to tell you to quit listening to the shouts of others and do what you want, but I'll bet those shouts are coming from your own head. I hope you get to slow down and find some peace. Thinking of you.

    Happy Sharefest. I hope you find moments of peace and joy this weekend.

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    1. You are so very right. Those shouts do come from inside my own head. Thank you for the kind thoughts.

      I hope you have a great week!

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  5. Oh this is such a beautiful post. I love how you paint the picture of the playground and that spinning metal merry go round...of life. The good news is as we grow and become more aware of the speed and duration of it spinning...we gain control of how to manually make it stop or go faster! Lovely words and message Tracie!

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    1. Thank you. I like the thought that as we grow we can gain control and greater knowledge about how to work it. I need to work on that in my own life.

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  6. Wow. This is absolutely beautiful.

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  7. Beautiful post. Life really is like a merry-go-round sometimes.

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    1. Thank you. It really is like that.

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  8. This is beautifully written, and I love it!

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  9. I wish they had that game adult-sized. And yes, I do understand how you feel. This week I am given a reprieve and hope to use it well.

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  10. LOVE this post, it is amazing and moving....and we totally grew up with one of those at the park just down the street, so reading this took me back in time to my childhood!

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