From Tracie: Longing

Monday, July 08, 2013


I feel it in my dreams. Not the ones I struggle to allow when I am awake - the ones that come in my sleep when my mind is allowed to wander and visit old thoughts and snippets of memories.

I am visited in those dreams by faces from long ago. I visit houses and places that only exist in memory and old photographs. My mind combines the two together.

Sometimes I am old, sometimes young. If I allow my mind to wander, if I do not use the full force of my lucid dreaming abilities, I will continue down those old paths - the same, yet different.

Nothing makes sense, and everything makes sense. It is the way of dreams. They find the longing in your heart, and magnify it.

I see myself on those hazy paths.

I could be strong, but I give into the failure.

I could be sure, but I give into the frazzle.

I could be safe, but I give into the fear.

When I can not stop myself from thinking it through any longer, when I have to analyze the moments through the haze, I see the longing.

It is there. Staring at me. As physically imposing as a mountain, and more real than the haze around me. The longing for more, less, different.

I could reach out my left hand and touch it. But I do not. I know one touch will give it power, and it will carry me off. Carry me beyond the safety of the haze and the surety of dreams I can control at will. The longing will draw me to places unknown, and I am not ready for that. Yet. Maybe ever.

Brennan Manning quote

For now, I wait on that hazy path. I search for the center of my soul, the quiet place, and listen for the beat of the Rabbi's heart. In my dreams, I allow the longing to stand close for the day I might be ready to follow it into the unknown. As I wake, I feel its presence behind me. Hand stretched out. Waiting.


  1. Beautiful Tracie. Your writing is so visual and amazing.-Ashley

  2. Very evocative. Can't wait to see where that path might lead...

  3. Well said. We long for more, yet surety holds us back. Evocative, as Considerer said!

  4. So beautiful. "I could be strong, but I give into the failure." Poetry.

  5. I love the image of feeling longing, but instead sitting and waiting in the present. Not grasping, just being. Lovely.

  6. Tracie, what a poignant post. "I could be safe, but I give into the fear." I can relate to that, because feeling of fear is more familiar than the feeling of safety.

  7. This is so very well expressed! I love how you painted that visual image with your words!

  8. You write so beautifully and poetically.

  9. Oh boy have I been there!!! There's a dong by Sarah groves that fits this well one line says for the places I have been do not fit the way I'm going....or something like that...

  10. I've been down there before. Beautiful words!

  11. Such a thought provoking and beautiful post!