From Tracie: It All Sounds Like Bitch

Monday, July 14, 2014

It All Sounds Like Bitch

Have you had one of those days when everything anyone says to you sounds like it is coming out full-force bitch? They usually come after a very bad day, or maybe several very bad days in a row.

"I have good news," sounds like, "Hahaha! In your face, bitch!"

"Can I get some clarification?" sounds like, "I am pretty sure you are either lying to me right now or totally incompetent, bitch, so let's see if I can trip you up."

"The store doesn't open until 8am," sounds like, "You are such a stupid bitch; the store isn't even open yet."

"Here's the contact information for the person to whom you need to speak" sounds like, "You have to ask someone, bitch, things aren't just going to magically happen like unicorns sliding on rainbows."

"That means..." sounds like, "I know you are too stupid to understand the words coming out of my mouth."

"Thanks for asking," sounds like, "I can't even believe you are bothering me about this right now. Seriously. What a bitch."

it all sounds like bitch

This is where I am today. Every word that comes near me sounds like bitch.

Even when most of them probably aren't meant that way at all.

I have lost the ability to parse typed sentences without feeling offended.

But that isn't the worst of it.

I think I've lost my filter.

It disintegrated under to the pressure of stress.

I was in a group facebook message this morning. I asked a question, and was a little offended by the responses. Then I typed a response. I let my message sit for 30 minutes while I tried to calm down before actually sending it. Because you should never type back angry - especially in a group conversation with ten people. But at the end of the 30 minutes, I was still angry. Frustrated. Defensive. And possibly a little hurt.

I did the thing I should not have done. I hit send on my response message.

And my message? It was full-on bitch.

The biting sarcasm was thinly veiled. Very thinly. Invisibly veiled, really.

The spirit of my words was very clear: Don't mess with me, because I will take you out, bitch.

I'm not proud of it.

In fact, I'm more than a little ashamed of the words I used, even though I didn't actually curse or call anyone a bitch.

The worst part of it is that all of us in this group conversation are stressed. We are all working towards the same goal. We are all feeling the frustration of not being able to control bad circumstances or other people's choices. And we all really do love each other. But it is often those you love who can hurt you the most. This is especially true on a day when everything is coming out bitch.

So, if you need me for the rest of the day, I'll be the person hiding in the corner, in a self-imposed time out, trying to avoid everyone. I clearly need some time alone to practice using my nice words, and to compose an apology - one that doesn't include the word bitch. This might take a while.

23 comments:

  1. Your Husband, ThomasJuly 14, 2014 4:51 PM

    1. It is Monday.
    2. Sometimes I just don't have enough middle fingers.
    3. This is why I drink coffee - to protect everyone else.

    I love you. And you could never cause anyone to call you a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at this, you are the only person who has commented so far.

      ...because everyone else is clearly afraid.

      Don't worry, folks, I'm not a fear biter. Y'all are safe in the comment section. :)

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    2. What a sweet husband you have. :) We all have these days. We all have pressures and emotions and sometimes it just comes rushing out. Grace, mama. Grace.

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    3. He really is sweet, Rach!

      Grace. It is a beautiful thing. Thanks for the reminder to give a little of it to myself today.

      Delete
  2. Awesome, I totally had Oneida those mornings today, as well. I think between it being Monday and just something in the air today, it was on guess bound to happen. Hoping that the rest of the day is better then earlier now.

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    Replies
    1. Mondays are always a little bit harder than other days.

      But it did get better. Apologizing for my biting words helped.

      Delete
  3. I absolutely wholeheartedly agree with Thomas on every word. :) We have ALL had those days and today was just your turn. Deep breaths and Swiss rolls will make it all better. ;) Love you, lady!!

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    Replies
    1. You are so sweet. And wise.

      Swiss Rolls and deep breaths are truly the answer for almost everything.

      Love you!

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  4. I think we've all been there.

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    Replies
    1. It is good to know I'm not alone. :)

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  5. Ahahaha. I love your reply to your husband. :)

    I will assure you that you are so not beyotchy. Or Beyoncé, as my phone prefers.

    It's tough, when we say or type things while stressed. It happens to all of us. The best of us. Including you. And me. It'll pass. Hugs while you ride it out. Love you.

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  6. I think I feel like this at least once a week.
    It makes you human, not bitchy. xo

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  7. Realizing why is the first part. This post would be the second, then let those ten people know. Makes it understandable though not acceptable. It's part of growing and working out frustrations in life. Yes, there are days as you so well explained that I take things personally. And for this Leo those are not good days. Written words that can't be taken back are real hard to deal with because I will hash them out in my brain till they are pulp. Thank you always for sharing your life this way because I'm sure it helps many realize they are human too! Big hugs

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  8. I definitely have days in which everything looks like bitch. Like my husband, bless him. He writes back "Thanks." I personally would choose, "Thanks!" Doesn't the period just look like sarcasm or he's being short with me?
    Totally insane in my head here.

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  9. Not being on Facebook, I'm discovering, is more and more a Blessing....(LOL)
    I know the feelings of which you speak---and I have to stop myself sometimes from answering back an email that sounds bitchy, but may not be at all.....I have a short fuse, and also I tell it like it is---But sometimes one's responses are coming from how one has awakened that day or some crap that has come down on you before ....It can color your whole day in every way.....My advice? Forgive yourself and come out of the corner and hope tomorrow will be a better day.....It may not, as we know....lol....But one can hope! And, barring that....Sometimes being Bitchy feels good, in the moment....!

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  10. I find food helps me when I am in this state of mind - this is also the reason I am overweight.

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  11. I can't believe you're such a bitch!

    Or....a bitch at all, in fact. But it's kind of a side of you I'd be fascinated to see, as I think I've only seen the sweetness and light side. Or the contemplative side. Or the purposeful side.

    Also, I don't even *know* what it means to parse sentences, so I couldn't be upset about that if I tried! (put me out of my misery - what is it?)

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  12. I can't tell you how many times I curse people out in my head. It's cathartic, as long as I keep my mouth shut. And chocolate helps too.

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  13. We all have those days!! I usually stay off social media those times, and bite my tongue several times a day! :D

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  14. I sooo get your message right now! I just went full boar on a comment left on my blog because she said "You're not supposed to feed the squirrels. Didn't anybody ever teach you that?"...Needless to say she probably won't be visiting anymore after my response. LOL...but if you think about it...we're supposed to be ourselves. And my blog isn't called The Perfect Person...lol

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  15. I can totally relate.
    Good and healing thoughts to you.
    Kate

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  16. We've all had those days at some point or another! I usually try to just be alone on those days.

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