Today I stand above and look down at this diamond. I can almost see through it. Yesterday I could. Tomorrow I will be off to the right side, slowly turning.
And yet, I can not seem to grasp it in my mind. The totality of it.
The inner heart of the stone.
No matter how much I study, I will not remember how the light hits that corner just perfectly, or how this angle shows the dark places within the stone. Tomorrow I will have forgotten all of these things, and will wake up to look at it as with new eyes. It will be the rock blocking my path, or the beauty distracting my walk, or the small pebble I pass unnoticed. Always different, always changing, these diamond-issues.
Sometimes it seems like there will never be enough emotional realizations or moments of clarity to conquer this puzzle. I think with time, with silence and peace, with the veil of distractions falling away, I could come close, but then the light shifts and I realize the mysteries of the stone, like the mystery of life, is unsolvable.
As I look out over a new year, and I think about choosing one word (I'm still undecided) or making resolutions, I'm hit with the reality that there are some things that can't be planned or perfected. Some mysteries that can't be solved. And some lessons that have to happen over and over again - and maybe even then we don't really learn them. Not fully. So, while I know some of the simple answer like what 2+2 equals and how many doughnuts to eat (all of them), I'm giving myself grace on those bigger questions and harder lessons today. They will still be there tomorrow, and I can try again to fully understand their mysteries.