From Tracie: Unplanned Words

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Unplanned Words

Headphones on, email checked and closed, facebook and twitter closed, and I am ready to write.

write.

write.

something.

something my mind has been thinking about.

but.

my heart demands that I write words unplanned.

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I planned to tell you about this moment when I walked by Katarina's bed late last night.

A sleepy giggle escaped (there is nothing sweeter than the sound of a kid laughing in her sleep) as she rolled over. I pulled up the purple blanket that always finds itself at the end of her bed, and tucked it in around her.

I leaned over and breathed deeply the smell of shampooed hair, and gave her a kiss; whispering in her ear, "I love you," the way I do each night.

This feeling of awe settled on me. She is mine. My child, a piece of my heart laying there in the bed, asleep, giggling. Growing up, and yet still little. She is depending on me, trusting she will sleep safely, believing nothing bad will come in the night.

My heart demands that I write words unplanned.

Tonight I watched a 60 Minutes special about homeless families. Families who happen to live very close to me. Families who live in their cars because they can't afford a cheap motel in even the worst part of town, much less an apartment.

The reality of this story sits too close to me. My breath catches. I look over and see Katarina sleeping, blanket kicked off. I walk to her bed, and tuck that purple blanket around her. As I lean over to whisper in her ear, the words catch in my throat. A tear falls on her pillow.

A pastor once told me that when he did jail ministry, he always tried to remember he was only three bad days away from being in that situation.

My mind is full of thoughts of kids living in cars...and I won't allow myself to calculate how many bad days it would take for us to be there, because it is too scary.

My heart demands that I write words unplanned. My mind is not ready yet, to share that much of myself, but this is a start.

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Right now, almost 25 percent of kids in America are living in poverty (that is more than 16 million kids, the most since 1962) - some of whom don't know where they will sleep tonight, or if they will have food to eat. For $1, you can give 8 meals, a small amount to help a family not go to bed hungry. 

21 comments:

  1. You *always* write with your heart wide open. I have such mad respect for that. xo

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  2. Wow, what a powerful post, sitting here with chills. Thank you for sharing this.

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  3. BEAUTIFUL and straight from the heart!

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  4. It breaks my heart to hear of homeless people. Your post really touched my soul.

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  5. This was so beautiful and heartfelt. I'm Tweeting the link because everybody needs to read it. It really moved me - the way you juxtaposed and described your love for your daughter, her sleep-giggle (!), and what the pastor said about being 3 bad days away from that situation, all the homeless kids in cars. What a post for the start of the Christmas season. Thank you.

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  6. Thank you for sharing this. I saw a TV show one time with an episode that tried to show "There but for the grace of God, go I." It was about homeless teenagers, and though it was just a fictional drama show (My So Called Life, if you happen to remember that,) the episode was really powerful and stuck with me.

    Your post will also stick with me, and remind me of how real that situation is for so many people :(

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  7. It really is so heartbreaking- and scary- b/c it could easily happen to so many of us.

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  8. This took my breath away. You're right. It would be soooo easy to fall into the same trap. And it's so heartbreaking.

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  9. I was just thinking about you when your comment appeared on my blog! I know this feeling well that you speak of. You stop to appreciate and your heart swells but it is also bittersweet because the world has so many troubles and everything is impermanent.

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  10. Tracie you are a beautiful and compassionate person.

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  11. I found this (related) post really inspiring: http://joyinthisjourney.com/2011/11/radical-love-for-the-homeless-knowing-me-ministries/

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  12. I was so moved by the same story that I wrote about it, as well! It is easy to think that I am so far away from that reality but the truth is that I am not. This morning, the Today show talked about the families that hit Wal-mart at midnight on the 1st of each month. So many families. It makes me realize how lucky I am!
    xoxo
    Traci

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  13. This has been weighing heavy on my heart, too. Thanks for posting such a beautiful reflection.

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  14. Beautifully written, and from the heart as always.
    I saw that Special, too, and it has stayed in my thoughts ever since. The children are so brave, and their spirits have yet to be broken. I sure hope that never happens and I pray all the suffering gets better. It's a hard world, Tracie. So glad Katarina has such a wonderful protector in you.

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  15. I don't have any words for this post...it's just perfect.
    We don't realize how lucky we are.

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  16. I have nothing.. once again you have left me with big weepy eyes and speechless.

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  17. I'm glad you wrote words unplanned, my girl. They were words that needed to be said. Thanks for the reminder.

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  18. This is so, so beautiful. All of it.

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  19. I love you and I love your heart. So much. =)

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  20. Your heart is as big as Texas. I love you.

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  21. This hits close to home in many ways I can say in a public form. :( But I too want to help make sure children aren't homeless or hungry.

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