Friday, February 03, 2012

Understanding Depression Led to Facing Sexual Abuse

One hot summer day, the kind of day when no one wants to leave the comforts of their air conditioners, the bookstore was completely empty, and we hadn’t had a customer for hours. I wandered to the biography section to re-alphabetize books and look for a new read. It was that day I came across a little book where the author shared about her experiences with depression. I skimmed through several chapters, and then hid it behind a stack of books. It scared me how much of my own life I saw reflected in her words.

Two weeks later, I was at another bookstore on my day off (bookstores are my very favorite places) and found another copy of that book. I wasn’t looking for it. It wasn’t even sitting in the right section. I re-shelved it, and left the store.

I couldn’t get away from that book about depression, though, because the next day at work someone came into my store looking for it. I finally bought a copy of my own to take home and read. But I went back to the other store to get it – not wanting my coworkers to see me purchase a book about someone with depression issues and start asking questions.

I still have my copy of that book. It is marked up, highlighted, the margins written in. If you look closely at those margins, there are small snippets of my abuse story written in code. Those snippets were the beginning of me admitting to myself what had happened in my childhood. I started counseling sessions soon after that...

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I'm guest posting at Emerging From Broken today. Please visit me there to read the rest of the story, how understanding depression led me to face the reality of sexual abuse in my childhood, and what it was like to disclose the abuse for the first time - to someone who was not understanding or sympathetic.

3 comments:

  1. I love the voice in this post, Tracie. I will check out your post, too. (I assume you share the name of the book there?)

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  2. Yes! I know so so many women who have that same link. Another friend of mine has fybro-myalgia (sp?) as a result. I feel like God has really blessed you and pulled you out of darkness and given you a perfect husband and daughter. I'm so glad. I love the Scripture that says "He sets the lonely in families."

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