From Tracie: I Stand Unmoved

Friday, May 24, 2013

I Stand Unmoved

Not using my computer has led me to sleeping in in the mornings. That, and the rain we have had all this week. As much as I love sleeping in, it is time for me to get back on schedule.

I have not been able to share words in this place, and that has thrown me off. I haven't been writing in my journal, either. All the time I have spent not writing has made room for me to notice everything around me more closely.

Maybe not writing is the secret to having something to write? Probably not.

I want — no, I need — to write again.

There are hundreds of little moments, thoughts, impressions, smells, and sounds rolling around in my mind, clamoring to get out. But when I sit here, in this borrowed time, I can not put words to them.

Except for this...

I stand in my doorway. The cold of air conditioning hits my back, making me shiver. Outside it is warm. Not hot or stifling, which is strange for the end of May, but it is not cold either. The warmth sinks into me slowly.

The dark, low-hanging clouds block out the sun. I can smell the approaching storm.

The rain does not start slowly. All at once a deluge of water pours from the sky. The wind pushes it sideways before it has a chance to reach the ground. Stray drops reach all the way to me, standing in my doorway.

The drops are not cold, but they suggest cold to my brain. I am suddenly more aware of the air coming from behind me, and the shivers return.

The air smells clean. Fresh. Not at all wet or musty, but I know the must will set in as soon as the rain stops. There is a small window of perfect rain smell, and I've caught it.

It is strange to stand in this place. The line between hot and cold, in and out, wet and dry. I am the line. One step forward or back, and I can be fully one - hot or cold, in or out, wet or dry. But I am transfixed.

I am in the middle. I am the line.

And on the line, as in life, I stand unmoved.


  1. You are such a beautiful writer.

  2. Sometimes I would like to stand there, but without fail someone or something will push me one way or another...

  3. Beautiful! And deep!

    Now get back to those morning pages, girlie! No excuses! =)

  4. omg, Tracie, I have chills.

    I miss you, girl!!! Hope you're back in action soon, but I'm glad you're having some time to do a different kind of reflecting. :>

  5. Gosh, do know this feeling. And for me it has lasted years as I redefine the direction my life is to go. I know your living situation is not what you want and I understand that. I still live with my daughter and family now two years waiting for an apartment to come available in housing I can afford. During this time I have had to pulled this family back into some sort of reality. And I'm grateful for this roof and the lesson I am able to give, though I do stand in that door way wondering which way to go. Big hugs for being able to share this with many

  6. So beautiful Tracie. You truly have a way with words because you are able to paint such a visual picture with what you say. Well done.-The Dose Girls

  7. Pretty words as always Tracie. I hope you can get hooked up again SOON!!!

  8. You know you were born to write when you write things like this. You can feel it in the post, girl.