From Tracie: Don't Let Pie Become The Defining Moment Of Your Motherhood

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Don't Let Pie Become The Defining Moment Of Your Motherhood

My friend shared a picture on facebook. It was a pie with one piece missing and a quote from Tenneva Jordan, "A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

berry pie

I've thought about this for a couple of days now, and I'm still bothered by it. Setting aside the fact that no one who knows me would ever believe I never cared for pie, I just can't find myself in this quote.

Here is a mother proving her motherhood by pretending to not like pie, so the other four people in the room can have it. Presumably these other four people would be her children, since it is a question of her motherhood, but maybe not. Maybe motherhood makes you self-sacrificing in the face of anyone in danger of missing out on a piece of pie? Otherwise, how would anyone know you are a mother?

Here's the thing I want to tell all the judgmental pie-counters.

A mother is a person who cuts the pie smaller so everyone gets a piece.

A mother is a person who waits to pull out the pie until the kids are in bed, and then shares it with her husband by candlelight.

A mother is a person who does't tell anyone else about the pie, and eats it all herself.

A mother is a person who makes a run to the store to buy another pie when the first one runs short.

You see, motherhood has very little to do with your response to pie. It is a poor reflection of motherhood, this definition based not on what you give, but on what you give up. This quote is nothing more than judgement cloaked as inspiration. It is not really an affirmation of you in any way.

Pie is certainly not the most important thing in life. But in this quote, I see more than pie. I see a diminishing. A woman disappearing.

Although you may find yourself making sacrifices for your children, as most parents do, becoming a mother does not mean you are doomed to a pie-less life. Sacrifices can come from a place of love and be beautiful things, but it is the entirety of your love that your children desire and will remember, not your moments of unnecessary sacrifices.

Don't allow yourself to become less, to give yourself less, to ask for less, to demand less, because you are a mother. Your needs, and even your wants, are still valid. Your response to a pie shortage does not define you as a woman or a mother.

Do you agree? Tell me how this quote makes you feel.
Or just tell me about your favorite kind of pie. 

27 comments:

  1. I do essentially agree and you truly said a mouthful here about mothers not selling themselves short even for something trivial such as a slice of pie. So thank you for this food for thought.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am with you. I love pie and I don't think I would go without pie and feel ok about it! I would cut them smaller for sure! I love real sugary blueberry pie, apple pie and chicken pie!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this so much. I always joke about how my mom would always give us the biggest pancakes but these days when I made them for my kids I always take the big one (I'm much bigger, after all). ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree, I would just cut smaller pieces so I could also have a piece of pie. Cherry pie will always be my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like homemade blackberry pie the best. The price of blackberries makes this a once or twice a year pie. My next-favorite is pumpkin. My mom resolved the not enough slices concern by making 2 or 3 different kinds of pies. We all had favorites, leaving slices for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like the comment about how a mother goes off and buys another pie when the first one is starting to diminish.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can understand the sacrifice so others can enjoy the pie. But I wouldn't lie about not liking pie, especially to my kids

    ReplyDelete
  8. I suppose it would depend on the kind of pie. Pumpkin? Let the kids have it. Boston Creme? Not on their life. I'll be eating that after everyone goes to bed, thank you very much.
    But I get what bothered you about the statement. Motherhood can certainly have sacrifices, but that's not all that makes you a mother.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have to agree with you. The quote is a little bothersome. Motherhood is so different every day and for every person.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have always loved that quote, but I like yours much better!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm....interesting take on that little quote. Yes, it's too simplistic, and you made your case very well. Nevertheless I think consistently trying to think of others before our ourselves is a good thing - good for children, too. But - haha- today my little boy wanted the last scone, the one I had been eying for myself. To settle the matter, I split it with him!

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is really interesting. I'm not like that. I take what they say about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. My mom can be sitting down to a fresh breakfast and then my dad walks in and she'll ask him if HE wants it, and then be passive aggressive about it. Meanwhile, my dad just stumbled in half asleep!
    So there's definitely being too much like the above description.
    Maybe I'm too much opposite it but if I don't get enough food and sleep, how can I care for these kids well?

    ReplyDelete
  13. This makes me want pie, actually. I have been wanting a chocolate one for a while now. My husband doesn't like chocolate so he's always the one who winds up skipping the pie!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now I want pie! I'm not sure, I wouldn't lie and say I don't want pie. Especially to my kiddos, I like to be open and honest at all times. So I would go without. -Jeanine

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love this. I pretty much slice the pie so all will have it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'd eat their Halloween candy, and I'd eat their pie. I'm with you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is a great post, very heart warming. Motherhood isn't easy, and I always find myself giving to my kids first.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well said, and I agree with you. Motherhood isn't about what you sacrifice, it's about what you can make happen. You can be your kid's hero without giving up a part of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Such a great post....I have cut small pieces for years! LOL Very cute post...I also love the stars cut out on the pie pic. I make lots of pies for fund raisers....the stars would make a great change to my pies.

    ReplyDelete
  20. When it comes to the first serving, we make sure everyone gets some. For the second servings, I will do without if their isn't enough for everyone and I am fine with that. I don't need to eat seconds anyway. There are times when I warm up leftovers for the next days lunch and we don't have enough for everyone so I will divide it up between kiddo and her dad. I'll have some salad or something small instead. To me, its not a big deal. I love cooking for them and when they eat what I cook, I know they are getting a good meal.

    As for the quote, I don't really read it as a mother just throws her hands in the air and gives up, not giving to herself, but I see the quote as a mother is so loving, generous and caring that she will often give freely to others, even if that means she has to do without - whether its food, or if she has to go without new shoes for a few months so her kids can have new ones for school.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I totally agree with what you said, but I also agree with Chrystals interpretation. I think a lot depends on the attitude with which you read the quote. But I think you're both completely correct. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think quotes like this are good for discussions. It isn't as simple as the words written but how it is interpreted by the one reading it. Thanks for sharing this. I'm going to think on it for a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Motherhood is so different for each person and we shouldn't feel like we are less than.

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's nice that you took the time out to write this... It took me a lot of years to realize even a portion of this was true. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Great food for thought post, Tracie! I agree that a mother doesn't have to be all sacrificing. I think we are better (definitely less "hangry") when we get pie!

    ReplyDelete
  26. What an awesome post! I love your take and interpretation of the quote.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Im not a mother and I always thought this quote rubbed me the wrong way too! What do dad's do in this situation? Would they sacrifice pie for fatherhood??? Doubt it...but as a woman I do think society still have this archaic way of thinking that when she has a child she completely loses herself, and today's modern women shouldnt FEEL like that at all! I love all the other options to the solution of the pie made for 4 people...make the pieces smaller or sneak off and buy your own pie! Great perspective I love it!

    ReplyDelete