From Tracie: How (Not) To Relax In A Bathtub

Monday, November 26, 2012

How (Not) To Relax In A Bathtub

Thomas is convinced that a relaxing bath will cure anything. When I'm stressed, or the day has been much too long, or I'm sick, he will offer to make a bath for me (or he will suggest that other thing, but that is a story for a different day).

And sometimes, even though I know I'm not a bath person, I will imagine a relaxing bath. I think about warm water, bubbles, candles, a book, and maybe something to drink.

I will give in to the idea of the bath.

female feet in bathtub
Not my feet. Image Credit: Kozzi

This is always a bad decision. Those things sound good, but when you put them together, they are not good at all.

This is what really happens when I try to take a relaxing bath...

After waiting a really long time for the tub to fill with water, I get impatient and climb in when it is only half-full. This gives me the horrible sensation of being half hot and half cold. As the water level climbs, more of me will be warm, but because our tub is short, I will never feel entirely warm.

My hair is the next problem.

Before getting into the tub, I will have secured it in a bun or ponytail.

Hair tip: It is not comfortable to lean against the wall with a bun or ponytail pushing into your head.

I try to combat the hair issue by holding my head strategically, so it is resting comfortably on the wall behind me without the offending bun or ponytail in the way. This strategic position usually results in a painful kink in my neck.

When I move my head around to try to relieve the kink, at least some portion of hair makes contact with the bubbly water.

We are now approximately five minutes into the bath. The top half of me is cold. I'm staring at the ceiling, holding my head strategically, trying to relax.

Relax.

Play with the bubbles.

Relax.

Think about how I should have added more bubbles.

Relax.

Put my foot on the facet. Think about the episode of the Dick Van Dyke show where Mary Tyler Moore got her foot stuck in the facet. Take my foot off of the facet.

Relax.

Stare at the ceiling some more.

Relax.

This is not working. I have stared at the ceiling far longer than I enjoy. It is time to bring out the book to stave off the boredom that has taken hold.

The book is the solution. The book is also the next problem.

Book tip: Books do not like water.

In order to keep my beloved books from getting wet, I take book protection precautions. I pick a book that I enjoy, but don't love. The book comes into the bathroom wrapped in a hand towel. I also have a second hand towel sitting next to it.

The second towel is key, because by this point, my hands are already wet. I use the second towel to dry my hands completely before removing the book from its wrapping.

One page into the book, I have a realization - it is not comfortable to hold a book high in the air while reading. It is also difficult to see the words.

Reading tip: Reading by candlelight is hard.

This necessitates a decision. Will I stop reading, or will I get up to turn on the light? One minute spent staring at the ceiling, and I know my answer. The light must come on.

First, I wrap the book up carefully in its towel, and set it out of the way. Then I stand up, get out of the tub, walk over to the lightswitch, and turn it on. While getting back into the tub (all of me is cold again), I will inevitably knock the second towel into the tub, rendering it useless for hand drying.

Once I get resituated, I reach for the book, using its towel to dry my hands. And my face. I'm not sure how my face got wet, but it did.

Although I can see the words now, holding the book up above the water is still uncomfortable.

I've been in the bath for approximately 15 minutes, and have yet to relax.

I force myself to stay. Surely the relaxing is going to happen, and my book is getting good.

By the next page, I have forgotten I'm sitting in a tub of water, and I've scratched my knee - submerging my hand in water. It is, of course, the hand that is farthest from the edge of the tub. There is no place to set the book down, because everything is wet from when I climbed out of the tub. And when I try to dry my hand with the book towel, it falls into the water.

I am 19 minutes into this bath thing, and it is time to evaluate how it is going...

The top half of me is still cold, my hair is wet and soapy, the water in the tub is cooling, my book has gotten wet, the smell from the candle is giving me a headache, and I realize that I forgot to make myself that drink.

I give up. Baths do not relax. They are not my thing.

Are you a bath person?
What is the secret to having a truly relaxing bath?

33 comments:

  1. So funny! I love baths. Super hot water and a deep tub. :)

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    1. I think not having a deep tub is part of my problem.

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  2. You have just captured the essence of why I do not like baths #thisiswhyiloveyou

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    1. It is good to know I'm not alone in my dislike of baths.
      #thisiswhyiloveyou


      I also feel the extreme need to put it out there that I do take showers. Just in case anyone was concerned. lol

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  3. I am a bath fan.. Lay on your side to conquer the hair issue or better yet let your hair down and sink into the tub. Listen to the water, the sound of it around you and the calming of it all. Deep breaths.. there really is a method to it.

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    1. What I'm reading is that it takes patience, and the ability to sit quietly. Maybe I need to work on those skills outside of the water, so I can use them once I get in the bath.

      I do like the laying on my side idea.

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  4. My opinion on this is that relaxing baths are impossible without a good tub. And, truth be told, the home my husband and I currently live in was purchased because I walked into the - ONE - bathroom and saw the garden tub and said, "I want this. Where do we sign?" True story. We got it. And NOW I have relaxing bath time. In our apartments? We never had them. The tubs were too tiny!

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    1. Somehow I knew you would have something to say about this! ;-)

      The tub is definitely a big part of the problem - very small. It is hilarious that you picked your house based on the tub.

      Do you read in the bath? I'm wondering if baths are the reason people read magazines - maybe it would be easier with a magazine, because I wouldn't be so worried about it getting wet?

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    2. I do read in the bath. I also play Scrabble on my Kindle and Facebook and surf online. (#TubTweeting, anyone?) LOL! I find magazines are a total pain when read in the tub, and I only resort to reading them in the tub if I have NOTHING else to read. They flop around an awful lot and I don't enjoy that. The secret is if you are tired.... don't do ANYTHING in the tub except relax... That's how you don't drop your book. lol

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  5. I do like baths. Although they are quick with me. So I gather I am not relaxing. I just love the very hot water at the beginning. Yes, my pony tail does stick me in the head as I lean against the tub wall. Blessings to you Tracie.

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  6. Whenever I get in the bath, I always have a child pounding on the door within about 5 seconds!
    Sandy

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  7. Hey you need to deep breathe a little bit there girl - just kidding. lol sandie

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  8. I don't like baths either, for all the reasons you've just described. I have a friend who brings a book and a glass of wine to the bath and I just don't get how. Or why.

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  9. I love baths. I love to read in the bath. I have some tips. First? You need a deep enough tub, or it's just BS. I have an inflatable bath pillow, which helps with the comfort thing. I have been reading in the bath since I was 9, so I have gotten pretty good at it. When I was younger, and for years, I would often drop my book in the water, or otherwise water damage the thing. I just learned to take only paperbacks and NO LIBRARY BOOKS in there. Now? I am confident enough to take my Nook in there, and I have yet to drop it. Maybe it takes practice? I love the time in the bath, it's my mommy time out.

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  10. This is hilarious because this is so like me. My husband actually bought me all these aroma therapy bubbles. I thought that it would be relaxing yet I fiddled and fidgeted around. Not to mention my 4 year old barging in asking me if I want toys to play with.

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  11. Ha ha, this made me laugh. I feel the same way. Glad someone finally put this into words. Add to it that since the bath tub is in the bathroom is in the bathroom that my kids use, it would also have to be scrubbed first. Not relaxing at all. :)

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  12. The IDEA of a bath is very soothing, the actual event is not. Let's face it, baths are boring. Plus, there's the whole pruning issue (wrinkly finger pads are gross). I usually spend most of a bath staring at the hair on the floor that has collected like a tumbleweed in the corner and vow to amp up my housekeeping efforts.

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  13. For me the bath thing will work better if there is some soft classical music on and a with a glass of wine, just close my eyes listening to the music and relax!

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  14. I love a hot bath, but I rarely encounter tubs that are long and deep enough for me to truly submerge and that leaves me with the temperature issue you described.

    It drives me nuts.

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  15. LOL, you are a bath soul sister. It always sounds so awesome, and then it just doesn't work out.

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  16. Hahah! I love baths, but you just made them sound like a heck of a lot of work. I want one of those trays that hold your book and a drink. THAT would make it easier!

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  17. LOL! This is so true. I have the same problem of waiting for the tub to be filled...and the bun! Yup the relaxation only lasts a good 5 minutes! Visiting from SITS Sharefest. Have a great weekend!

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  18. Hilarious! I love baths, but the key is putting your bun on top of your head so you can lean your head back. Get a kindle, put it in a ziplock baggie to protect it and - TA DA - reading in the tub is once again perfect! Stopping by from Sharefest Saturday at SITS!

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  19. I am just thankful when I get a shower! Stopping from the SITS Sharefest.

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  20. I am always disappointed with baths, too. It's never what I imagine they it should be.

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  21. Oh my goodness! I thought I was the only one who felt this way! You describe baths exactly as I would! I think once I'm situated and if I'm fully submerged, I'm good for about 10 minutes. But the pre and post experience is stressfull and uncomfortable! I have a garden tub in my master bath that fits me very well. However, it gives me anxiety waiting for it to fill AND thinking about how much water I'm wasting. So my alternative is taking baths in my kids' bathtub which barely fits my body, is uncomfortable to lay in, and I can't truly submerge myself. Then once I'm all cozy, it is miserable to get out...especially in the winter. I think for some reason I am so much colder getting out of a tub than the shower. Thanks for making me chuckle this morning! #SITSSharefest

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  22. I hate baths. I get woozy from staying in such a warm environment and I don't know how to relax in one. Also, boring. :)

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  23. Hahaha, this made me laugh! I'm actually a huge bath fan :D How I cope is I fill it all the way up and then use a (wet) hand towel to cover up my upper body/chest area to keep it nice and warm. I also read in the tub but I've only had one book go for a "swim" so I don't usually worry too much. I have a hand towel handy--and I normally hold my books up to read them so that part doesn't bother me ;)

    thanks for the giggle though! :D

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  24. LOL! Hillarious...You have to be sure to put the bun all the way to the top of your head! ;-)

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  25. Loved this!!! And it's almost exactly why I stopped taking baths. Relaxing? Snort.

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  26. Seriously, I also had the same problem about my hair. I don't know how those gals in ads look so comfortable..almost like they're acting....wait!
    Totally voting for your post!

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  27. OMG this is the beat thing that I have read so far today. And yup I'm a bath chick

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  28. OMG this I an the funniest thing I have read so far today. And yup I'm a bath chick

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