On Books, England, And Books From England

I don't have to tell you I have a love for England. But even with my great love of all things British, I really didn't plan to read four books that are all England-related this month; it just happened. And it was good.

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand

In Edgecombe St. Mary, a small village in the English countryside with one of those amazing names, there lives a man named Major Ernest Pettigrew. He is officially on my top ten list of favorite book characters. I loved his old-fashioned Englishness, his honor, and his heart. He made me smile and laugh. I could have read many more chapters about him.

At the beginning of the book, Pettigrew forms an unlikely friendship with Mrs. Ali, a Pakastani shopkeeper from the village. The two of them bond over a shared love of classic books and an understanding of love, family responsibility, and loss. That last sentence made this book sound much sappier than it is. The Pettigrew/Ali relationship is important to the book, but it is really about so much more than just the two of them.

This is Helen Simonson's first novel. I hope to read more from her in the future. Write, Helen, write!


The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

This is the story of Juliet Ashton, a writer living in 1946 post-WWII London, who receives a letter from a resident of Guernsey, a small island in the English Channel. It introduced a piece of history I didn't know about, that Guernsey was occupied by German forces for most of World War II. Through a flurry of letters, and an eventual visit to Guernsey, Juliet learns the hidden story of a wonderfully unusual literary society and the community they have formed.

The entire book is told through letters and telegrams, which is one of my favorite things in the world. The characters are amazing, and I loved every single one of them. When I finished the last page, I wanted to immediately turn back to the beginning and read it again.

I was sad to learn that the author, Mary Ann Shaffer, became very ill with cancer while working on this book, and her niece, writer Annie Barrows, was asked to step in to help finish the book. Mary Ann died before publication.


The Big Over Easy

Oh Jasper Fforde, how I love you. I loved Shades of Grey. I loved The Eyre Affair. And I loved The Big Over Easy. This isn't a book that takes place in England, at least, not the England that exists here in the real world, but it makes this list of books due to Fforde's Englishness and the fact that no one writes a fake England better than him.

The Big Over Easy is the first of the Nursery Crime books. Inspector Jack Spratt is the head of the Nursery Crime Division. He is the person in charge of all nursery rhyme characters. Someone has murdered Humpty Dumpty, and he has to figure out who, before his career, and the entire Nursery Crime Division, is given the ax.

This book is hilarious and smart. You just have to be willing to embrace the characters from your childhood memories, and be prepared to see them in a whole new light. And you need to love a well-placed pun. This is a crime novel, murder mystery (with lots of beautiful twists and turns), and sideways commentary on journalism. Or it might just be an excuse to put fairy tale characters in the "real" world. You have to read it for yourself to decide. And then tell me what you thought.


All Roads Lead to Austen: A Yearlong Journey with Jane

This book doesn't take place in England, nor is it by an English author. But it is about the books of English author Jane Austen, so I think it fits well here.

Amy Elizabeth Smith, professor and Austen expert, takes a year off from teaching to embark on a traveling Austen book club across six countries in Latin America. It is part book club, and part travel diary. I loved both parts.

It was interesting to see how Austen's work, specifically Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma, translated to a Latin American audience. The book club meetings were recorded, so we get a really good overview with specific quotes from the discussions. Smith also spent a lot of time looking for important books from each country visited. In several of the countries it was difficult to find published female authors contemporary to Austen, but it was interesting to read about the (sometimes differing) book recommendations she received. It sent me on a search for English translations of several books that were mentioned.

I really enjoyed seeing the different perspectives on books I love and have read many times. This book made me want to reread Jane, and take a trip. Preferably at the same time.

You will want to brush up on your Austen before reading this book, especially the three books they discuss. There are a lot of character and story references through this book that won't make sense if you haven't read them, or don't have a good memory of the characters and their traits.

What books have you been reading recently? I want to hear about all of them, not just the England-related ones.

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Buzzfeed Quizzes Are Rigged And Obsessed With Ice Monsters

I can not stop taking Buzzfeed quizzes.

If you take one, and share your results on facebook, I will click on that thing so fast, the link button won't know what hit it.

What state should I live in? Check. Oregon, naturally.

Which superhero am I? Check. Professor X.

Recently I saw someone share the Which Frozen Character Are You quiz. I love Frozen, so there was no passing up this chance to have Buzzfeed validate my inner Anna or Elsa.

I took the quiz, and got Marshmallow.

Hmm. That was a little disappointing.

I let Katarina take the quiz, and she got Marshmallow.

Which led to this important facebook update:
If you need us, we will be spending the rest of the night choosing different answers on this quiz until one of us is granted ice powers. Priorities.

Several people commented, and said they also got Marshmallow.

My friend Lee got the King of Arendalle on her second try.

After my fifth time taking the quiz (Oh, you thought I was kidding about taking it again?), I finally got Elsa.

So we did a little test.

Katarina chose the exact same answers I did, and she got...

...Marshmallow.

I gave it one more shot, hoping for Ana.

Got Marshmallow instead.

Clearly the Buzzfeed quizzes are rigged.

And they have an over-developed love for snow monsters.

But that doesn't stop me from clicking those links.

Even though I'm not sure what picking a color has to do with which Downton Abbey character I am? Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham. Apparently she just loves the color yellow.

Or what my favorite form of social media has to do with which US President I am? Ulysses S. Grant. It seems he was a big fan of facebook.

Or what the Hogwart's house sorting has to do with which Golden Girl I am? Dorothy. Okay, that one was actually pretty spot-on.

Or what my favorite way to stay active has to do with which secondary Harry Potter character I am? Especially when Quidditch isn't an option. But today I have learned that Minerva McGonagall loves to bust some dance moves. I bet there is a youtube video of her dancing in cat form. This basically explains the entire internet.

Or why Buzzfeed keeps asking me what my favorite song is from a list of songs that doesn't contain a single song I have heard or want to hear?

And I most certainly do not understand why Buzzfeed told me the classic Disney movie most like my life is Cinderella. Because the only answer to any question that contains me and a Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast.

I keep clicking those links, and once in a while Buzzfeed gets it right. Like when I took the What Should You Actually Eat For Lunch quiz (because there really is a buzzfeed quiz for everything, and you should let the internet guide your every life decision) and the answer was Ice Cream.

Oh, Buzzfeed. Maybe you aren't messing with my mind. You really do understand me. And you seem to think I am Maggie Smith.

Maggie Smith with ice cream for lunch.

I don't think I will argue with that. But I am going to take the Frozen quiz one more time to see if you finally figured out that deep inside our hearts, Maggie Smith and I are Anna.

Do you get caught in the rabbit hole of Buzzfeed quizzes?
What was your favorite quiz or answer?

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I Save Words

I have something to tell you about a tree, a pair of ten year old shoes, and blogging.

That sounds a little like the beginning to a bad joke.

It isn't.

The part about the tree might make you laugh, though.

Or it might just make you judge me.

I'm guest posting for Shell at Things I Can't Say today.

You have to visit Shell to find out the rest of the story.

I'll see you there!


*Comments are closed*

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How Do You Tell Your Kid You Are A Survivor Of Child Sexual Abuse?

I had the talk with my daughter early. You know...the talk.

It wasn't a big thing. I started by telling her the proper names for body parts, both male and female. I told her she has control of her body, and no one has the right to touch her without her consent. I told her that if anyone ever did touch her, or ask her to touch them, I would not even for a second be mad at her, and she could tell me. I even told her that adults who try to hurt children lie, and no matter what anyone tells her, I am always on her side.

I don't view the talk as a one time thing, something that happens around the age of 12 with downcast eyes and nervous breaths. It is an ever-continuing conversation. Changing and getting deeper as she grows older.

We practice openness, and have a shame-free approach to conversations about bodies, sex, and everything else (there are super fun conversations about alcohol, books, drugs, being kind to your neighbor, the death penalty, Rainbow Looms, Christianity, movies, child marriage, and politics happening at our house too, if you ever want to come over on a Saturday night).

There is one thing I had not told my daughter, though. I had never told her I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. It is something I have thought about over the years, but I wasn't sure exactly how to tell her, or how much to tell her, or when was the right time to tell her. She knew some things, like the fact I don't have a relationship with my father because of choices he made when I was a child that put me in harm's way, and the refusal to be honest and work though those choices and situations now that I'm an adult. But I never really told her I had an uncle, or that that uncle sexually abused me.

It never came up in conversation.

That is a bit of an excuse, of course, because how would it have come up in conversation if I didn't start it? It wouldn't. It didn't. Until yesterday.

Yesterday we were talking about growing up and bodies changing, and Katarina told me, "Sometimes talking about stuff like this feels a little awkward, but it isn't bad. And I think it is less awkward the more we talk about it. I know you won't freak out, and I feel like I can ask you anything. You tell me the truth, and I appreciate that."

And then she asked me another question, and I heard myself say, "There is something I want to tell you."

There is something I want to tell you.

When I was a child, I was sexually abused.

How old were you?

It started when I was four. My uncle, my father's brother, was the person who abused me, and it stopped when I was nine years old and he died.

Are you like Jenny from Forrest Gump? Do you feel hurt, and confused, and want to cry and scream and throw things? 

Sometimes. Sometimes I do feel like that. Not as often now, but when I was younger, I felt that way a lot. But unlike Jenny, I was able to tell someone what had happened to me, and eventually I was able to ask for help. I got counselling. I spent time in prayer. I learned about healing and worked on myself a lot.

You went to counselling? Was that scary?

It felt scary sometimes, because I was talking about things that were hard, and dealing with really big feelings and bad memories. But it wasn't actually scary. It was really, really good. I'm glad I did it. There is no shame in asking for help, or in going to a professional to get that help.

I don't want to know any details. But it does make sense in a way.

Don't worry. I'm not going to give you details. I just wanted you to know the truth about my story. And I wanted you to know that even if something bad happens in your life, you can work through it.

This is why you sometimes write about child abuse on your blog, and spend time on the phone and computer talking about funding rape kit testing. And why you and dad sometimes talk about survivors. And why you get upset when your dad calls the house. And why you tell your friends they should teach their kids to say penis and vagina.

Yes. I try to use what I know to help other people protect their children, and to help other survivors find healing.

Our conversation veered and continued from there, but this was the part that will stay with me forever. When we were finished talking, my daughter gave me a big hug and told me she was glad I had gotten help, and that I was helping other people get help, too.

That conversation that had been so scary for me for a long time, that I wasn't sure I could ever have the right words for, happened. And it was a little bit like going to counseling for the first time. Scary, but really, really good.

Ten was the right age for me to have this conversation with Katarina, but it will be different for every child. If you are a survivor wondering how to share your story with your child, this is my advice.

Telling your child you are a survivor:

• Be age appropriate.
• Skip details.
• Talk about healing.
• Use your story as a chance to reinforce talking openly about anything, including bodies, sex, people who make you uncomfortable, etc.
• Answer questions.
• Keep it simple.

Have you had this or other difficult conversations with your child?
How do you approach difficult topics?

*I'm linking this post with Shell at Things I Can't Say. This was something I was scared to say for a long time, but I'm really glad the conversation happened.

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How To Be Friendly And Stop Annoying People On Google+

I recently started getting dashboard notifications from a woman on Google+. Every time she posted something, the little bell at the top of my gmail would change colors. I was unusually lazy about it, clearing the notification without muting her. Day after day I received a notification from her. Finally I took the time to remove her from my circles. It seemed more drastic than muting, and I was ready for drastic.

Surely uncircling her would make the notifications stop. But, no, they continued. And they got worse. I started getting notifications each time she posted something. This woman shared her blog post? I got a notification. This woman reshared a stupid video? I got a notification. This woman reshared a picture of a cute baby that wasn't even hers? I got a notification.

Why was this happening? Because I usually mute people after the second notification infraction, I had never encountered this problem. I thought that uncircling her would protect me. It didn't. She was sharing her posts with extended circles, probably thinking she would get the benefit of not only the people she had connected with, but also the people with whom they had connected. But that isn't how life works, and it certainly isn't how social media works. Just because someone I know has decided to connect with you, it doesn't mean you now have free access to me anytime you want it.

I realize there are a lot of people who feel overwhelmed by Google+, and aren't sure how to share things to their best advantage. I have a few tips to help you be friendly and stop annoying people on Google+. Because annoying people is never a good way to make friends or grow your social media following.

Share Your Posts Publicly On Google+

I don't get on Google+ to pour out my deepest darkest secrets (that's what a blog is for, right?), so there is no reason to limit who sees my posts. Unless your blog is private, you want it to be seen by everyone, so it makes sense that you share your links and updates with the public on Google+.

Sharing your posts publicly ensures that anyone can see them, and it enables people to reshare them with their circles. There is another benefit to public sharing: it gives your posts more opportunity to show up in search results. Don't give up one of the most important features of Google+, the SEO benefits, by sharing your post privately.

One more thing about sharing publicly. When I look at your Google+ profile, and don't see any publicly shared posts, I can't tell if you are active on the platform, or if you are sharing things that interest me. Why would I add your to my circles?

It is always a good idea to see how your profile looks to people who do not have you in circles yet. This is easy to do. Go to your profile.

At the top of the page, the default is "View profile as: Yourself." If you click on the drop-down arrow, you will be able to switch to Public. This will enable you to see your profile as someone who is not yet connected with you.

Look at your profile objectively, and see if it is a profile that you would want to connect with. If not, make the necessary changes.

Do Not Share With Extended Circles

What exactly is an extended circle? People who you have circled are "your circles." People who are in the circles of those you have circled are "extended circles." 

Just like the story I shared above, if you share your posts with extended circles, you may be sending unwanted dashboard notifications to people who don't even know you. This is a good way to get muted or even blocked.

Just say no to extended circle sharing. There is no benefit to sharing with extended circles that outweighs the possibility of annoying people.

Do Not Be An Email Spammer

When you share with just your circles (which I hope after reading this you will do less - sharing publicly on Google+ is your friend), there is an option to "Also send email to your circles." For the love of people everywhere, do not use this feature.

If you force your way into people's email inbox, they will not be happy or amused. Especially if you do it for every little update or reshare. It will get you muted, blocked, and sent away.

I don't care if you are my best friend, an author I admire, someone I want to connect with for business purposes, or the most interesting person in the world - if you send me unwanted notifications or emails, I will always remember you as the annoying person who crossed boundaries and didn't use Google+ correctly.

Comment, +1, Reshare, and CONNECT

No one has time to add yet anther social media platform to your schedule. I understand this. But Google+ is worth the time. You know those SEO benefits you get from sharing posts there? The more interaction, comments and +1's, you get on your posts, the higher Google ranks them.

Remember: You get out of social media what you put into it.
Social media is only social when you make it that way. If you stop by Google+, throw out a link and run away, you will not make friends. Spend a little time there each day (or a few days a week), and interact with people. This is how you will really see a benefit from Google+ and make friends.

Do not be intimidated by Google+

Start sharing over there, and more importantly, interacting with other people's shares. You will find that it is easier to use than you thought. And as long as you aren't spamming people with notifications or emails, you will find most everyone friendly and ready to help answer any questions you have.

Bonus Tip:

Do you want to make sure those annoying notifications that have nothing to do with you do not pop up on your dashboard?
After figuring out that the unwanted post notifications were coming from someone who was not even in my circles, I went to my settings to figure out how to make her go away and keep other people from showing up in the same annoying way. It was an easy fix.

Go to settings.

The first option is "Who can send you notifications?" Make sure you do not have it set to Extended Circles or Anyone. Either of those options leave you open to have annoying notifications pop up all day long.

If you set it to Your Circles, you will still get notifications when someone who is not in your circles comments on your post or mentions you in a post or comment, but you will not get notifications when they post something.

Further down the page you have the ability to choose your email notification settings. I have turned off almost all email notifications, because I do not need a deluge of emails coming into my inbox all day long.

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If you want more information about how best to share posts on Google+, check out this post from The Strategic Mama: Are You Hurting Your Blog Traffic When Sharing On Google+?

If you want to connect with people on Google+, check out the Fabulous Blogging Community (think of Google+ communities like groups on facebook), you will find people who are new and learning, as well as people who are willing to answer your questions. They are a supportive group.

Are you on Google+? I am! Let's be circley friends --> +Tracie Nall.

Do you have a question about Google+? Share it in the comments and I will try to help you with answers. Or share your best Google+ tip.

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