If you don't know The Blogging Goddess, she is a goddess...who blogs. And today she is blogging for me. I love reading the Blogging Goddess. She makes me laugh. Sometimes she does these great vlogs, always wearing a spectacular mask or costume (because you can't be looking straight at a goddess). She is super sweet, and her blog comments always make me smile. And now, onto the myth....
Two Heads are NOT Better Than One
I was put into surgical menopause. The reasons were great and varied, but the bottom line is that my ovaries did not like me, and frankly, I didn't like them much either. So, we parted ways. At the ripe old age of 43, I now am on what the menopausals call HRT, which to you period chicks, means Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is a strange invention.
Does it take care of hot flashes that you get when you no longer have ovaries that give off the hormone that keeps them at bay? Sometimes.
Does it help with the weepies, willies and sybilizing? Not really.
Does it keep the pounding headaches at bay? Mostly.
Here is what it does NOT do. It does not stop your body from breaking out like a 14 year old boy who has wet dreams every night and erections all day long.
Let me address the “I am a 42 year old woman with no ovaries, no uterus and no cervix and zit” phenomena further. Yes, a story is coming up, so please make yourselves comfy, get your coffee or tea or whatever and put on your listening ears.
Once upon a time there was a young old woman named The Blogging Goddess. She noticed one morning that it hurt when she smiled. She gingerly touched her cheek and felt what was surely going to be a huge honking zit. It was red, it was large and it hurt to touch. Now, you all know what I mean and have all experienced this, I am sure. If not, I hate you. Moving on.
The Blogging Goddess watched this for a couple of days, thinking that maybe it was not a zit, but a very large mosquito bite. Maybe an ant crawled on her face while she was sleeping and bit her. Perhaps it was one of those spiders that causes one half of your face to swell up like the elephant man.
She thought of covering it up with some kind of make up, but since she doesn't wear make up and has forgotten how to apply it, what was the point. Also, it seems as if those that do cover zits with make up just draw more attention to it.
These were some of the things The Blogging Goddess heard over the next few days....
Mom "Did you know you have a pimple on your cheek?"
Yes, Mom, I know, it is Mount Rushmore and Mount Vesuvius combined and will rupture and cover the world with puss it is so large.
Hubby "What's that red thing on your face?"
A ZIT! DUH!
Daughter "Mommy, there is something on your face."
Gee, thanks for the 4-1-1!
The Goddess tried everything. She put drying cream at night, which just made it that much redder when she woke up. She tried hot packs. She tried cold packs. She tried to smash it back into her skin with a book. Nothing was working.
The Blogging Goddess woke up one morning and there it was. A head. But, not just ONE head, but TWO! This zit was so huge it grew two heads, and they were having a conversation. Discussing the weather. They were talking about growing up larger to see over the nose and see if the grass is truly greener on the other side. They were lovers and discussed having babies. They were friends and shared a cup of coffee and some chocolate. They were ALIVE!
She had had enough! She was going to show this two headed zit who was boss! She sat in her chair in front of her make up mirror and braced herself. She squeezed. She heard the satisfying pop and the puss flew.......
And thus the two headed zit was slain. Bells tolled and freedom rang throughout the land. Fireworks went off and the sun came out. The village threw a party.
And whoever said that two heads were better than one can bite me!